Rocky Mountain Escape
by InfinityStar
Summary: It was all a simple misunderstanding but with Bobby Goren, nothing is simple...
1. Rocky Mountain Low

**A/N: This has been rattling around in my head for awhile and my muse has been kicking me to go ahead and post it. It's a little different, but eventually it gets to the same place...**

**The usual disclaimers apply, even when I forget to mention them...**

* * *

He was surrounded by nature. There were trees closing in on either side of the trail he walked. The songs of birds filled the midday air and high overhead, a hawk rode the thermal currents, looking for prey. He heard the sound of a large animal crashing through the underbrush. A deer. The pamphlet he'd been given at the ranger station warned him that there were bears and mountain lions ranging these mountains. They didn't make him nervous at all. There was no damage any of these animals could inflict on him worse than the damage that had already been done. There was no creature on the planet more dangerous than man.

His body was sound and his mind was sharp, much to his eternal relief. It was his soul that had been damaged. He wondered if the damage was permanent. That's what found him here, hiking along these mountain trails, alone, day after day. He was seeking a salve for his wounded soul.

The sound of running water reached his ears. Looking skyward, he noticed the sun had slipped past its zenith and was sliding toward the western horizon. It would be dark in a few hours and he'd have to think about finding a place to stop for the night. He followed no particular schedule. He simply followed his body's rhythms, eating when he was hungry, sleeping when he was tired.

Sleep. Now there was an activity he dreaded. Because sleep brought dreams, and dreams brought her and she brought pain. _I can't do this, Bobby_, his mind heard her say. _I need a break._

A break? A break from what? From each other. From working together. From being together. He'd finally done it. His intensity had broken her and, like everyone he'd ever cared about in his life, she had left. But with her, it was different. When she left, it had caused a mortal wound to his heart and his soul. So he'd taken an extended leave, and he'd gone away. No one knew where he was, and no one knew how much he hurt. No one knew that he was on the verge of giving up. And what was more...no one cared.

He took off his baseball cap and ran a hand over his untidy curls as he entered a small glade. He wandered to the edge of a stream that coursed his way through the wilderness, strolling near the water's edge and studying the prints left by the animals. His mind recreated the scene at the water's edge in much the same way he recreated crime scenes. A deer had come to drink...legs spread it leaned down to the water for a drink...but something spooked it...it took off suddenly...chased by...wow...a really big ass cat. Mountain lion. He scanned the other tracks left in the moist dirt. Rabbit there, raccoon over here, skunk near that rock, fox by this tree... He'd gotten really good at reading what the animals left behind.

He watched the water cascade over the rocks, churning and roiling its way to calmer places. That was just how he felt. His soul was restless, churning and roiling its way toward a calmer existence. The difference between this mountain stream and himself was that the stream found its calm. He couldn't. No calm, no peace...just turmoil...and pain.

_I tried...I really did...and I thought I could do it...and maybe I still can...but I need a break...a break...I have to go..._

Every time he closed his eyes, he heard those words ringing in his mind, chasing away any chance for restful sleep. Most nights he spent sitting by his small campfire, watching the flames consume wood as pain consumed his soul. And he began to wonder if he _could_ go back. Sure they'd know him. He was the crazy bastard who couldn't keep a fucking partner. Even the one everyone thought would work eventually gave up the ghost. He was just too much for people. The kick of it all was that he had finally let down his guard. He had let her in, let her come to know who he really was. He had trusted her with his heart and she had betrayed that trust.

_It's just for a little while...I'll come back. This isn't permanent. I just need a change. Give me a few weeks and I'll be back..._

But he hadn't waited. He couldn't do it. He simply couldn't sit and wait for something he knew was never going to happen. Within just a few days, he was gone. He wouldn't...no, he couldn't do it without her. Do what? Anything. Work, sleep...live. He knew she wouldn't be back. She needed a change, a breath of fresh air. And so she'd gone. The captain was busy looking for someone to take her place. Take her place? Not possible. There was an emptiness inside him, empty save for pain and the rage that now filled it.

He had taken an extended leave, for personal reasons. He had the time. Deakins had tried to talk him out of it, tried to find out if he was okay. But he had shut down. He was letting no one else in. He was done. It hurt too fucking bad. But he went through the motions. He was just tired and needed time off to rest and regroup. He knew the captain didn't buy that. But there was nothing he could do._ I'll just be at home,_ he told him. _Call me anytime._ That night, he'd gotten in his car with every intention of driving home and drinking until the hurt was gone. But he hadn't done that. He'd just driven...and driven...and driven...

And where was he now? He had no idea. He was somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. He had filled a backpack with food, tossed in two changes of clothing and a few other things, parked his car at a trailhead parking area and headed off down the trail. It was July, but the nights were downright cold. His light jacket and wool blanket weren't quite enough, but he was too numb to notice or to care. He never slept well anyway. After a few hours, he was awake, finding himself just sitting by the small fire and staring into the flames, or laying on the ground, watching the diamond-flecked sky. Most nights, he would sit for awhile, then put out the fire and continue down the trail in the dark.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Go back to Manhattan, to his empty life and stare at the empty seat of the desk across from him, pretending she was going to come back? No. He couldn't do that. He could transfer back to narcotics. He'd liked it there; he liked undercover work. No one ever made him as a cop. He could play any role. He was good at pretending. Or he could go someplace else. To Phoenix, or Seattle, or Atlanta...

But, no. His job was all he had now, and he really liked Major Case. He would go back to New York, back to the squad room, and slip into his role as the Chief of D's fair-haired boy. He'd solve his cases, crack his suspects, hand Carver his confessions...and pretend he didn't hurt. He'd get a new partner, or two, or three...and he would close himself off from others, permanently. He would never go through this again. Never.

That night sleep was even further away than it usually was. His ever-busy mind refused to wind down. Had he been home, he would have raided his liquor cabinet and drank until his mind calmed down. He didn't have that option here, but that was probably a good thing. His pain would send him into a downward spiral, and he just would not have the motivation to stop it. That much he knew. So it was probably a good thing that he was where he was right now.

His arms were tucked under his head and he was watching the stars. He heard the snap of a branch in the woods. Big animal...probably a deer. Maybe a bear, or a mountain lion...well, that was ok, too. Another snap. He didn't move. He didn't care.

The underbrush rattled as the animal broke into the clearing, and a quiet "oh" emanated from it. Curious, he pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked toward the trees.

She was a small woman, dress in khaki shorts, a dark shirt and hiking boots. The pack she carried looked almost too big for her, but she was trim and muscular and handled it with apparent ease. "I'm sorry to intrude," she said, her voice colored with the accent of someone raised in the south.

His mouth moved, but no words came out at first. Finally he managed, "It's no intrusion."

"I didn't wake you?"

"No."

"That's good. I'll leave you alone now. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

When she started to turn, he got up. "No...you-you don't have to go. At least, not on my account. Um, are you...intentionally hiking at night, alone?"

"Alone, yes. At night, no. I was just looking for a place to camp for the night."

"You're welcome...to stay here. I won't bother you."

She studied him cautiously. "You're here alone?"

"Yes."

She considered his offer. He didn't look dangerous, but then, neither had Ted Bundy. But she was bone-tired and the next clearing like this she came across could be miles away. He understood her hesitation. "I'm harmless," he offered with a small smile. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll move on. You look tired."

His offer surprised her. He would leave so that she could have this campsite? "No...no need for you to leave. Thank you for your generosity."

There was something about this big man that set her at her ease. She slid off her pack and set it on the ground. In silence she unpacked her sleeping bag, acutely aware of his eyes on her. Yet, she wasn't creeped out, and she wondered why.

He'd laid back down and pulled the blanket up to his rib cage. He watched her unpack her sleeping bag, wondering why he had invited her to stay. The point of his being here was to lick his wounds in solitude and try to recover to the point that he could go back to his life in New York without her. He had almost made up his mind to move on anyway when she laid out her bag and looked at him. "Just so you know," she warned in that warm drawl of hers. "I have a gun."

Amused, he smiled at her. "So do I."

Taken aback, she stared at him, not sure if he was serious. He raised a hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that like that. I-I'm a cop." When her skeptical look didn't abate, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his shield, tossing it to her.

She studied the gold shield, relaxing now. She tossed it back to him and smiled. "I'm afraid we may not get along so well, detective. I'm a prosecutor."

In spite of himself, he laughed. "I think we'll get along fine, counsellor. Where do you hang your shingle?"

"Austin, Texas."

He nodded and laid back down, tucking his arms beneath his head again. "Rest well, counsellor. I, uh, I probably won't be here when you wake up."

"Is that so?"

He turned onto his side and tucked one arm under his head, looking across the small fire at her. "I like to get an early start."

"Where are you heading?"

He shrugged. "Wherever."

She nodded. "That's my destination, too." She snuggled down into her sleeping bag. "If you're still here when I wake up, I won't complain too much. Good night, detective."

He watched her for a minute. "Good night, counsellor."


	2. On the Trail to Wherever

When she woke up, just before dawn, she saw the the fire had been built up from its embers for her, but he was gone. She was disappointed. The big cop from New York intrigued her. With a heavy sigh, she prepared a quick breakfast, carefully put out the fire and left the clearing for wherever.

-------------------------------------------

He sat on a boulder on a high bluff overlooking a mountain valley, his pack on the ground behind him, leaning against the boulder. As ever, his mind was on her, how much he missed her and how deeply she had hurt him when she left. What the hell was he going to do now? He'd decided he had to return to New York. He wasn't about to give up a job he loved, the one thing he knew he was good at. Would she remain in Major Case? Could he handle watching her work on a daily basis as someone else's partner? And what about him? Remembering her maternity leave, he was convinced there wasn't another cop in the department he could work with. Bishop had tried, and he'd scared the hell out of her, not to mention how intimidated she was by him. He knew he did that to people but he wasn't about to change who he was to accomodate the rest of the world. He would have to prepare himself to rotate through another platoon of partners. Just the thought of it was enough to wrench his gut.

For the life of him he couldn't figure out what he had done to drive her away. He wasn't aware of anything about him that had changed, and she'd always seemed content before, even amused by some of the things he did. He never quite understood that, but he accepted it. And he often made her smile, which was worth whatever he'd happened to do at that time. When Deakins or Carver came down on him, she always stood by him. When something went down that troubled her, he was always there. They had meshed so well. What had gone wrong? Why had she left? It never even crossed his mind that he might have had nothing to do with it at all.

"Well, hello, detective."

He turned around. In the daylight, she looked different. Her hair was a soft honey-brown and her skin was tanned by time spent in the Texas sun. Her delicate features belied her strength of body and character. He watched her take off her pack and lean it against a tree. She had a natural grace that gave fluidity to every move she made. And when she came closer, he noticed her eyes. They were green with flecks of gold that sparkled when her face relaxed into a smile. "A rest stop on the trail to wherever?"

He turned his attention back to the valley. She saw the haunted look in his eyes and wondered what had happened to him to put it there. She came around to lean against the boulder beside him. "If I'm bothering you, I can find another rest stop," she said quietly.

He thought about that for a moment. "I don't own the mountains, counsellor. You can stop to rest anywhere you want."

"But I'm intruding."

He looked at her with a confused frown. "On what?"

"Your brooding."

Brooding? Was it that obvious? "I was just...thinking."

"Call it whatever you want. I just know what I see."

"Oh? And what do you think you see?"

She looked at him. "I see a tough cop, sitting on the side of a mountain, alone and lonely, looking for all the world like life is against him and he doesn't know what to do about it."

He stared at her, forgetting yet again that he wasn't the only profiler in the world and that you didn't have to be a cop to have the ability to read people. He didn't say a word, but got up and grabbed his pack.

"What are you running away from, detective?"

He stopped. What _was_ he running away from? No matter where he went, his thoughts followed. "I just need to be alone, counsellor."

"Actually, I think that's the last thing you need."

He turned to face her. "What the hell do you know about me?"

She just looked at him calmly, not frightened at all by his anger. "Maybe nothing. Maybe more than you think."

He leaned over the boulder toward her, his face close to her shoulder. "What do you think you know?"

She turned her head, not drawing away or indicating any discomfort by his closeness. "I think you've been hurt and you don't know what to do about it."

He drew back and she knew she'd hit the nail on the head. She could see fresh pain in his eyes, caused by the reminder of what had brought him here. She said, "Now you tell me what you've figured out about me."

"What?"

"You're a detective. You spend your life figuring things out, reading people. Read me."

He set his pack down and rested his hip against the boulder. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked at her. "I think you're a pain in the ass...in the courtroom."

She laughed, and he liked the sound of it. It was a warm, genuine laugh and it drew a soft smile from him, which she was glad to see, even if it didn't reach his eyes. "I have been told that by defense attorneys and judges alike, as well as co-workers, boyfriends, and a stuckup waitress in a diner in New Mexico. What else?"

"Your frankness gets you in trouble, often. And you have no fear."

"You're good."

"So they say. What else do you see?"

"I see a man who feels things more deeply than he should."

"What makes you say that?"

"No one should ever put that much pain in your eyes."

He recoiled as if she'd struck him. "You...you don't know her."

She'd thought as much. "I don't have to. You love her, and she hurt you. So now you're going to crawl into yourself and hide from the world. Which is a shame because you seem like a likeable guy."

"That's where you're wrong, counsellor. I'm not all that likeable."

"To yourself, maybe not."

He laughed bitterly. "Believe me. I've scared off more people than you have put in prison."

"I don't know about that. My record is pretty damn good."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "But I've been putting people off all my life."

"So how was she different?"

She noticed the change in his eyes, the softness and the sparkle. "She just was. She gave me a chance and she liked being with me. We...we were a great team."

"What changed that?"

The sparkle left and the pain returned. "I-I don't know."

What the hell? How had she done that? He'd done something he swore he'd never do again...he'd opened himself, even just a tiny bit, to another person. He studied her, head tilted and eyes bright. "You are good, counsellor. I hope I never have to face you in a courtroom."

"Why do you say that?"

"You know just what to ask and how to ask it."

"That's my job, detective. I daresay you do the same thing in the interrogation room."

He nodded. "Um, I...don't think I would mind, if you're still heading to wherever, if you wanted to walk along with me for awhile..."

She reached out and laid her hand on his. He didn't recoil or yank his hand away, nor did he shift his eyes from hers as she answered, "I think I would like that. I'd wager you're an interesting man."

"Some call it aggravating."

She smiled again, and the gold flecks sparkled. "Are you done here?"

"I think so."

He swung his pack easily onto his back and retrieved hers for her, holding it while she slipped her arms into the padded straps. "That's a heavy pack..." he began.

"...for such a little woman," she finished. "I'm stronger than I look, detective."

What was it about strong, feisty women he found so amazing? He leaned over and looked into her face. "So it seems."

She rewarded him with another smile. "Lead the way."

He chuckled, and this time there was the barest shimmer of his smile in his eyes. "After you, counsellor."

As they headed back toward the trail, she asked, "So, do you have a name in New York?"

"Bobby. What do they call you in Austin?"

"Pain in the ass. But you can call me Emily."

Another laugh as the trees closed in around them.


	3. When the Flame Goes Out

They stopped for dinner in a shady glade beside a mountain stream. The day had passed in companionable silence. He was grateful that she had not spent the time trying to pry further into his life. He was still baffled by how she'd gotten the information she already had so readily. He didn't want to share himself with anyone, not any more. Yet he'd told her more than he intended, and he hadn't really meant to.

When they entered the glade, she slipped off her pack and set it against a tree. He watched her walk to the stream, squat down beside it and splash water over her face and head. Flipping her hair back, she looked up into the trees above her and took a deep breath. He took off his pack and set it beside hers. Standing, she left the stream and walked back toward him. With a smile, she shook her head, spraying him with the water that was dripping from her hair. "The water feels great," she told him.

He smiled good-naturedly. She got the impression he was an easy-going man and he liked to play...until someone had taken that away from him. "Well, since you made us lunch, I'll make dinner. How does spaghetti sound?"

"Whatever you want, counsellor."

She met his eyes. "Did you forget my name?"

"No. 'Counsellor' just fits you."

"And it makes me less personal, easier to dissociate from." He frowned and looked away. "It's ok, detective. Two can play at that game. Do you want to build the fire or get the food ready to cook?"

"I'll take care of the fire."

"All that anger should make it easy to start one."

He leaned over to catch her eyes, and he saw a glimmer of amusement. "Are you trying to antagonize me?"

"Sorry. Habit."

"Bullshit."

"I have a habit of speaking my mind before I think. If I made you mad..."

"No. Just annoyed."

"I'll have to try harder."

Now she was smiling. He wasn't sure what to make of that.She watched him as heheaded out of the glade to find wood for a fire. Wow, he was easy to annoy, probably because of the current emotional state he was in. If she could get him past that, maybe she could help him get past some of the pain. She couldn't help but wonder what kind of woman could so completely devastate a man like him. Some part of her wanted to meet her, to find out what had driven her to leave him. Part of her felt an unsettling annoyance at a woman who could do this to any man, and she couldn't help wondering if he somehow deserved it. But as devastated as he seemed, and as considerate as he seemed, she could easily see him bending over backwards to please a woman he'd so totally given his heart to.

She retrieved a collapsible pot from her pack and filled it with water. Boiling the water would take care of any microorganisms that might harm them. She pulled out a half-pound package of spaghetti and a foil pouch of sauce. Setting it all down by the packs, she sat on a fallen log at the edge of the glade and waited for him to return with the wood.

He headed into the forest, eyes searching for suitable firewood, mind turning a mile a minute. Dissociate? Is that what he was trying to do, and was it so obvious? He was hesitant to make a connection with anyone, but she was making it damned difficult. And she was right. He was angry. He was furious with himself for driving her away, when all he'd ever wanted to do was pull her closer. How many times had he been tempted to push that stray hair back from her face when he leaned over her shoulder to see something on her laptop screen? How often did his hand hover close, hesitant, only to have him draw back and let the moment pass? How many nights did he dream about her, only to awaken and find his bed empty? He sighed heavily, noticing that his arms were full. He was so used to operating on autopilot, he hadn't even realized he had all the wood he needed. He returned to the glade.

She watched him step from the forest and scan the area for a suitable spot to build the fire. Kneeling in the chosen area, he arranged some of the wood, setting the kindling wood in the center and building the larger wood around it. He walked to his pack, pulling a lighter from an outside pocket, dropping a pack of cigarettes on the ground in the process. He replaced the cigarettes and took the lighter back to the wood. She slid off the log and crossed the glade to squat beside him. After a few minutes, the kindling caught and began to burn. He softly blew on the flames to encourage them to grow and catch onto the larger pieces of wood. "You're very gentle," she said quietly, near his ear.

He looked at her, surprised that she was so close; he hadn't heard her approach. "Um, it won't get you anywhere if you blow too hard. Put out the flame and you have to start all over."

"And that's hard to do...once the flame is out."

He nodded, not sure they were still talking about the campfire. "Yeah, it is."

She nodded. "I know how it is."

"Do you?"

"Why so surprised? You think I've never built a fire before?"

"I'm sure you've built many. I'm just surprised that anyone was able to...extinguish your flame."

Her voice became very soft and sad. "He didn't mean to."

He lightly touched her arm, reassuring. That also surprised her, that he would reach out like that to someone else in the midst of his own pain. Her voice remained quiet as she asked, "What's her name?"

He tensed, withdrawing his hand and returning his attention to the fire. For a minute she didn't think he was going to answer, but he did. "Alex."

"Your wife?"

He snorted. "No. I've never been married."

"A longtime girlfriend, then."

"Um, no. Not a girlfriend at all, really."

She looked at him. "All that pain and she's not even a girlfriend?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Is dating a prerequisite to being hurt?"

"You do love her."

"That's...incidental."

"So your heart _was_ broken."

"It's more complicated than that. I...don't expect you to understand."

"Why is that? I've already told you I've had my heart broken."

"By someone who never meant to break it. You just seem to me to be more of a heart-breaker."

"Why? Because I'm a pain in the ass or is that a lawyer crack?"

"Tell me you've never broken a guy's heart."

"That has nothing to do with anything. You tell me your Alex meant to break your heart."

"I...I don't know. I have no idea...what her intention was."

"Did she love you?"

"I...I never could read that part of her. I don't know."

"Ok, so you don't think I can understand. Explain it to me. Make me understand."

He looked down at the fire, which was burning nicely. He slowly shook his head and got up, walking across the glade to the stream. She wondered at his retreat into himself. Not a wife, not even a girlfriend, but this woman had deeply hurt him. She couldn't imagine an unrequited love causing this much pain. He seemed like an intelligent guy, not one to give himself over to fantasy--not like this. She was torn. Let him suffer or push him to deal with his pain. In spite of his aloofness, she liked him, and she hated to see him hurt. So she decided to do him a service and give him a push.


	4. Dealing With Unresolved Loss

After dinner, she bent over the stream, making sure the dishes got properly cleaned. Then she dried them and put them away. She wasn't sure where he'd gone, but his pack was still there, so he'd be back.

It was well past dark when he did return. "Get lost?"

He shook his head. "No. I was...thinking."

"More brooding, huh?"

He chose to ignore that remark and walked over to his pack, pulling his blanket from its place at the bottom of the frame. "I'm not sure this is the best place to camp."

"Why? I like it here."

"So do the animals."

"I like animals. Deer and rabbits don't frighten me, detective."

"What about the mountain lions and bears?"

She frowned. She'd almost forgotten about those. He saw that on her face, reflected in the firelight. His voice was soft. "You can't forget about the animals here, too, counsellor. They're not as dangerous as the animals we deal with every day, but they can kill you just as dead."

She headed to her pack to retrieve her sleeping bag. "I'll just sleep with my gun."

"Now I'll worry."

"Why? Unless you plan to try climbing into my sleeping bag in the middle of the night..." She had to laugh at the look on his face, which told her the thought had never crossed his mind. "Ok, then, I would say you're safe."

She unrolled her bag on the opposite side of the fire from him, furthest away from the stream, and she wondered if he'd done that intentionally. She decided that he had. He was thoughtful, a gentleman. And again she wondered what had driven his Alex away. "You never answered me earlier."

"Oh?"

"I asked you to make me understand how a woman you were never involved with could hurt you so deeply."

"I was involved with her...just not romantically. She...was my partner."

"Ah...that explains a lot. A cop's partner...I do understand that, detective."

"And she was my best friend."

"And you did the unthinkable and fell in love with her."

"I never let her know. As hard as it was...to never...touch her...kiss her..." He shuddered. "But I was ok with it, because I _needed_ her as my partner. We were good together...we just fit...perfectly. And I have no idea why she left."

"Did you ask her?"

He frowned and looked at her. "Ask her?"

"Yeah...that's what people do when someone does something they don't understand. They ask why. Let me guess...you didn't because it hurt so damn bad, so you ran away."

She watched him get to his feet and begin to pace, his face a dark frown. She wondered about him, why this partner was so important to him. Surely there were other partners. But the best friend angle, that made sense. Best friends were irreplacable.

He continued pacing, his mind racing. He hadn't asked her. He'd just assumed. But when her words came back to him...

_I tried...I really did...I thought I could do it...I need a break...I can't do this, Bobby..._

No, then he became more certain he had not misinterpreted her. He returned to his blanket, determined not to open himself to her any further. It was her fucking turn. He laid back on the ground and just when she thought he had shut down totally on her, he said, "Tell me who put out your fire, counsellor."

"It's not a very interesting story."

"Tell me anyway. I can't sleep."

"Maybe this will help." She couldn't interpret the noise he made so she chose to ignore him. "His name was Christopher. We went to law school together. He was tall, like you, but not nearly as broad. Kind of like a bean pole. He was gentle and kind. We were both accepted into the same practice, but when we decided to get married, I took a position with the DA. We were both rising stars. We planned to have kids someday, after my career was well established. In the meanwhile, we had a dog. He died two years ago. He outlived Chris by nearly fifteen years."

He could hear the pain in her voice...the pain of unresolved loss. It was the same pain he was dealing with. "How...did he die?"

"Motor vehicle accident, on the interstate. He died at the scene. I never had a chance to say good-bye, unless you count the funeral, and all the visits to his grave."

He rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand. "I'm sorry."

"So am I. We were happy."

"That's something. Not everyone finds that. I...I never did."

_And I never will. My one shot at happiness stepped out of my life._ She turned her head to look toward him. "Do you think you could have had a chance at it, with her?"

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda...what does it matter?"

"Maybe it does...to her. Did it ever occur to you she might feel the same way?"

He shook his head adamantly. "She knew how important she was to me, and she still left. She...knew...what it would do to me. And she did it anyway."

"And there's no chance you took it wrong?"

"How the fuck do you take it wrong when someone says good-bye?"

"I was just asking."

"Yeah, well, you can stop that now."

He turned over, away from her, and faced the forest. He said, "I'm sorry about Chris, but I'm glad you found love."

"Thank you. I've never found it again."

He looked back over his shoulder. "What?"

"I don't think I stuttered, detective. I said I never found it again. Chris was it...my one and only chance."

"You can't believe that."

"Why not? You do."

"That's different. You're different. It took me half my life to find her, and five years to drive her away. Chris loved you until the day he died, and you never stopped loving him."

"Have you stopped loving her?"

He rolled back onto his side. "No," he answered miserably. He would never stop loving her.

He heard her move but he was still surprised when she dropped down onto the ground in front of him. "You need to stop running away and decide what's important to you."

"My job. That's all that matters now."

"Oh, bullshit. Don't give me that crap, you big idiot."

He almost smiled. How many times had Alex called him that? "I can't turn back time."

"I'm not suggesting you do. Go home and talk to her. Find out what she meant, why she left. You owe her that...you owe it to both of you." She reached out and let her fingers lightly caress his cheek. He closed his eyes and shuddered. "And if it really is over...come to see me in Austin. I won't chase you away."

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Wait until you get to know me."

"You should see some of the bastards I dated. No, you're a decent guy, and I'd give my right arm to find another decent guy. I don't have any luck that way. I finally find him and he's gone off the deep end over someone else."

She started to get up but he grabbed her hand. "Would you chase me away tonight?"

"I don't know if I can handle being your rebound, Bobby."

He smiled. "I had to ask."

He really did have a nice smile. And he'd been hurting so much...Before she knew what she was doing, she had leaned toward him, and he met her halfway.


	5. He Misunderstood

Alex Eames stretched as she got out of bed. Two weeks off and she felt a whole lot better. God, that last case had been brutal...it had almost done her in. She was actually very surprised that her partner hadn't come by to see how she was doing. Of course, she'd told him not to, but when did he ever listen to her?

She had so needed this time to get her head on straight about him. The last case had thrown them for a loop, and she had damn near landed in his bed. That would really have sent him scurrying for cover. It was only by the skin of her teeth that she had escaped that mess. Not that she wouldn't welcome sharing his bed...but to risk their partnership for a roll in the hay after a difficult case. No, it wasn't worth it and she knew he would agree.

She got ready for work and headed in to the squad, calling him on the way. But his phone went right into voicemail. That was weird. She parked the car in her usual spot in the parking garage and headed up to the eleventh floor. The first thing she noticed stepping into the squad room was that he was not at his desk. What the hell...?

She walked to Deakins' door. "Hi, Captain."

"Hi, Alex. You look a lot better. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. Where's Bobby?"

Deakins shifted uncomfortably. "I, um, I don't know, Alex."

"What? What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Just that. He took off a few days after you did. He said he needed some time off, told me he'd be at home, but he's not. I called Carmel Ridge. He hasn't seen or spoken to his mother since he left. I've had Logan going over there every day. His car is gone, he doesn't answer his phone, and I have no idea where he is."

"He hasn't even called his mother? That's very odd. Are you trying to find him?"

"I put out a BOLO on his car."

"Nationwide?"

"Yeah. No one has called on it."

"What happened? Why did he take off?"

"He wouldn't tell me, Alex. Maybe he talked to Logan. Ask him."

She was gone from the captain's door, heading for Logan's desk. He looked up in time to see her approach. "Well, look who's back!"

"Mike, where is Bobby?"

"You're asking me? I thought he was off with you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Logan looked confused. "Come on, Alex. You take some time off to recover from that case, and he was just as haunted by it. Three days after you take leave, he does. Do the math."

"You're doing the math and coming up with two plus two equals five, Logan. I haven't seen him."

He frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." She leaned closer to him and hissed, "I am _not_ sleeping with my partner, asshole."

"No shit? I would have sworn you'd finally given in."

"Given in to what? Peer pressure?"

"No, Alex. Passion. He..." He raised his hands and shook his head. "I'm just gonna shut my big mouth now."

"Oh, no, you don't. You spill your guts, Logan, or I'll spill them for you all over the squadroom."

He leaned toward her. "This isn't the time or place, Alex."

"Fuck that." She grabbed his tie and dragged him toward the elevators. "Hey, come on, Eames.."

Barek was on her way back from the copier, watching with amusement as Eames dragged her partner from the squadroom. "Hey, Logan..."

He waved a hand at her. "I'll be right back, Barek. We, uh, need to have a little..._gak_...Hey, watch it!"

She released his tie when the doors opened and shoved him into the elevator. A couple of detectives in the elevator snickered, but one look from Eames stopped it cold. He followed her out of the elevator almost sheepishly. "Damn, now I know how Goren feels."

Ignoring him, she headed out of the building and down the street. Half a block away she stopped and looked at him. "Now talk or I swear to God I will kick your ass to who wouldn't have it."

"The night before he took off, he and I went out drinking and shooting pool. He really got trashed...I've never seen him like that. He told me--and I don't know why the hell he did--but he told me he...he said he was in love with you, Alex. And something about finally driving you off. Said he was a lot to take and you'd finally had your fill."

"He...? He _said_ that?"

"Yeah. He was really miserable. I just thought it was the alcohol talking."

"What the hell does Barek tell you about thinking in those circumstances?"

"Look, I don't need it from you, too."

"Oh, you're going to get it from me like you've never gotten it before. Why the hell didn't you call me?"

"Why should I have? He always gets weird when he drinks...well, weird_er_."

"And nothing he said threw up any red flags with you?"

"If he'd been sober, there would have been alarm bells and whistles all over the place. But he was _drunk_, Alex. I never put any stock in what he says after he's had a few too many. Do you?"

"It depends on what he says, Mike. Drunk or sober, he was saying I'd left him. You _have_ to realize what that would mean if he really believed it."

"Sure--if I thought he believed it."

"He took off and no one knows where he is, Mike! I'd wager a year's pay he believed it."

"Just what did you tell him?"

"I was feeling really burned out after that last case and at that point I really wasn't sure I could continue. And things started to get...out of hand with my feelings for him. I mean, the night before we closed that case, I swear if he'd told me he wanted to, I would have done anything he asked. I needed time off and I told him that. I..." The color drained from her face. "Oh, my God...what have I done?"

"You lost me there, sweetheart."

"I told him..oh, shit, Mike. Everything I said could be misconstrued after what happened that night. He thought...no, no, no! I..oh, God...what do I do? How the hell do I fix this if I can't even find him, the big ape?"

"Alex! Have mercy on a poor stupid guy here and let me in on the secret. You lost me somewhere between 'I told him' and 'the big ape'."

"He thought I was talking about _us_! Nothing could be further from the truth, but he misunderstood everything I said. Oh...poor Bobby. No wonder he took off. I know better...but I was so damn strung out and tired and I just blabbered the first thoughts that came to mind, without considering how I sounded. I am so used to him knowing where I'm going with stuff, I just thought he'd know. I forgot that he can't really read my mind, and that's just what I expected him to do. I never intended to leave _him_!"

"I can just imagine how fucked up he is now. Nice job."

He ducked her swing. "Hey! I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Then why say it?"

"These things just pop out of my head from time to time before I can think them through. Sorry."

"You are going to help me find him."

"What? How am I going to do that? It's a friggin' big-ass country, Alex, and he could be anywhere in it!"

"I don't care anything about where's he's not, Mike. You are going to look until you find out where the hell he _is _if you have to check out every damn parking lot between here and LA."

He touched her shoulder tentatively, folding his arms around her when she stepped into them. "It's ok, Alex," he said softly. "I'll find him." _And if there's anything left when you're done with him, I owe him a smack upside the head or two. _


	6. What To Do

**A/N: It's a short chapter, but there's more to come.**

* * *

He stirred in his sleep, slowly opening his eyes. The stream babbled and rushed its way through the glade, the birds chittered and chirped in the trees, and the woman in his arms nestled closer.

He tightened his arm around her. God, it had been a long time since he'd held someone like this. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her hand slid from his stomach up to his chest and he softly groaned. He'd better get up, before this led someplace he wasn't sure he wanted to go.

He slid lightly from her arms and crossed the glade to the stream. Squatting beside it, he splashed the cold water on his face and over his hair. Then he watched the water rush by. He came to the mountains looking for peace, for something, anything, that would help to soothe the pain. He'd never imagined, in a million years, that the something he found would be another woman. No, not in his wildest imagination. But his wounded heart still belonged to another...and Emily knew that. She'd stopped him before letting it go too far. He...would have...to chase the pain away for just a little while. But she knew on some level it could lead to a deeper pain, and she wouldn't let him do that. _I'm a band-aid, Bobby,_ she'd whispered in his ear. _What you really need is back in New York._

Back in New York..._you need to go home and talk to her. All your answers lie with her, not here in the mountains and certainly not with me. You need to go home, Bobby. _

He sighed. A hand touched his shoulder, startling him. He spun, too fast, hitting her leg and knocking her over and down, into the water. "Shit! Emily!"

He reached out quickly and pulled her from the stream. He looked horrified; she was laughing. And in one smooth, deft movement, she hooked her ankle behind his and yanked, hard. She continued laughing as he scrambled from the water and she ran. He caught her easily, pulling her back against him. And he laughed, too. She rested her head against his chest, enjoying the sound of his laughter, real laughter, not just a fleeting glimpse of it he'd been offering before. She turned in his arms, seeing the smile in his eyes. And she let him kiss her.

--------------------------------------------

Logan shuffled the papers on his desk and called out to Eames. She crossed the squadroom to his desk. Barek rested her chin on her hand and watched him as he began to speak. "Well, I found his car. It's parked at a trailhead up in the Rocky Mountains outside a town called Ouray. The parking stamp on the ticket in his window from the ranger station up the road is dated almost two weeks ago. Apparently, he left from work and took off right away for the mountains. I got his credit card info. He stopped in Denver and bought camping supplies, apparently. He was last in Ouray for supplies...three days ago. It looks like he's staying in that area, and it looks like he's okay. He got supplies and apparently had dinner. There's been nothing since, no motel charges or anything. So...what do you want to do?"

"I guess I'm going to Colorado."

Logan shifted uncomfortably. "He's gonna come back, Alex. According to the captain, he has plenty of leave time, so he's not in any danger of losing his job...like the Chief of D's would let him go anyway. Just wait until he comes back."

Eames smacked the back of his head. "If you'd called me in the first place, he'd never have gone anywhere to begin with. He's hurting, Mike. I can't leave him there like that."

"You gonna go alone?"

"No. You're coming with me."

She glanced at Barek, who nodded and said, "Since you bear some responsibility in this."

Logan leaned back in his chair. "All I did was listen to him. I had no friggin' idea he was out of his goddam mind."

Eames leaned closer. "Thank you for being his friend. Now you're going to continue being his friend and go with me to Colorado."

He looked at Barek. "What do you have to say?"

"I hear Colorado is beautiful this time of year. Bring the captain back something."


	7. Not Gonna Be Deer Bait

He leaned back against a fallen log in the clearing they stopped in for the night, watching the fire burn. He felt better, more relaxed, and ready to face whatever waited for him back home. He wondered vaguely what Deakins had done as far as finding new partners for them, if anything. The thought of seeing her with another partner still formed a rock in his gut. He'd almost rather see her with another guy, though that didn't make him feel any better. He still didn't know what to do...but Emily was right. He had to talk to her, find out for sure why she'd left him.

She came over and dropped down onto the ground beside him. He looked at her and smiled, slipping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him and let her mind wander as she watched the flames and enjoyed being close to him. She felt like a kid at summer camp, ready to say good-bye to a summer love. She envied his partner, the woman who had his heart, and truly wished he had come here a free man. She tried to help him, to remain detached, but that hadn't worked well at all. With that very first kiss, she had fallen for him. It was a given that he couldn't fall in love with her, and she accepted that. It was why she would only let him go so far. He was in pain, seeking to somehow forget, and he was willing to go much further than she would let him. Much as she tried not to, she loved being close to him, being touched and kissed by him. But in the back of her mind, she knew it would go nowhere as long as his partner had his heart. In the end, all it would do was cause them both unnecessary pain. So she'd forced him to keep his pants on, as willing as he was not to.

Now she sighed, taking his hand and threading her fingers into his. "Bobby, I really need to be getting back to Austin. And you need to go home and work this out with Alex." She pulled a card from her pocket and handed it to him. "My address and number are on the back. Really, if it doesn't work out...come and see me. I'd be happy to...to love you." _I already do..._

He looked at the neat writing on the back of the card. Just the way he expected her writing to be...He got up and went to his pack. Pulling out his wallet, he slipped her card into it and pulled out one of his own. Writing on it, he slid the wallet and pen back in their places and returned to her side. He handed her the card. "My address, phone and cell numbers. Call me anytime." He dipped his head forward to catch her eyes. "Really. Stay in touch. You...helped me, more than I ever could have helped myself."

She smiled and sighed sadly. "I'm glad. I hope it does work out for you, you know. I realize now I'm just not destined to be in love any more."

"Don't talk like that."

"Really. It's been almost twenty years. And then I come up here, and finally find a decent guy I can love, but his heart belongs to someone else..." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall..."

He shook his head, touching her lips. "Don't do that. You'll find someone, someone you're meant to be with. You just need to look in the right places."

She laughed. "And the middle of the wilderness is the right place?"

He smiled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I lost the love of my life, Bobby. He died and I'll never have him back. You still have a chance with yours. Don't let her get away." He studied her eyes, and she smiled. "I'm glad I helped you, more than you'll ever know. I hated seeing that pain in your eyes. And you have to know you helped me, too. You taught this old dog that maybe there is another shot for me out there. Maybe. I won't get my hopes up, but I'll look."

"Old dog?" He shook his head. "You're beautiful, counsellor."

"Don't tease, detective..."

He let his fingers trail along her jawline, then slide into her hair. This wasn't fair...but, God...he needed...something... His lips brushed hers, and then he kissed her as his hand slid under her shirt, brushing across soft skin. When she let an involuntary moan escape, it was almost too much for him. But she had drawn her line in the sand, and she wouldn't let him cross it, for both their sakes. So he skittered as close to it as she would let him, and it had to do...

She spent one more night in his arms, and when he woke, she was gone. He decided to stay just a few more days, to regroup and regain his bearings, before he headed back for his car and home.

-----------------------------------

"So what do we do if we've missed him? It's a damn big wilderness, Eames. I mean, we come out all this way so I can play pack mule, and suppose he's on his way back to New York?"

"Then you get to enjoy a few days of camping with me."

"I enjoy being with you, but camping?"

"Quit complaining and accept your part in this whole thing."

"Start expecting drunken three am phone calls."

"I'll kill you."

He laughed and adjusted the pack on his back. "Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Before you tear him apart, let me have a shot at him."

"I'm not going to shoot him, Mike."

"I don't want to shoot him either. Just a smack upside the head, that's all."

She laughed. "We'll see."

"Hey, I'm in the woods playing pack mule and I don't even _like_ camping."

"You're doing this for me, Mike, and I'm doing it for him."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't do this for anyone else...except maybe Barek."

Eames smiled. She could see that...sending him and Barek out into the woods alone. Barek would be the only one to come back out alive. She would think he'd welcome the bears...

Darkness had long descended on the wilderness when they spotted a small clearing, but someone else had gotten there first. They saw the flames of a small campfire through the trees.

"That figures," Logan fussed quietly, so as not to disturb the other hiker.

"Hold on, Mike..." She moved closer, looking through the leaves into the clearing. "Look."

Logan looked over her shoulder. "See? I told you he was fine. At least it wasn't a wasted trip."

"Would you give us a few minutes?"

"Sure, take your time. I'll just sit here, trying _not_ to be bear bait."

She kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Mike."

He set the pack down on the ground and sat on it.

Goren was laying on the ground, arms tucked under his head, watching the stars through the trees. Every once in awhile, a meteor would shoot across the sky in its death throes. It was nice to see the night sky lit up with the sparkle of starlight. He never saw that back home. _Star light, star bright..._

Where the hell had that come from? He'd given up that poem when he was about five, just before his mother's illness had shattered his world.

He heard the rustling in the underbrush. Hmmm...certainly bigger than a raccoon or a skunk...not quite the size of a deer...maybe a small deer...Then he heard a soft sigh, and his mind froze. He knew that sound.

"What the hell are you doing, you big idiot?"

"Eames..." He pushed himself up onto an elbow and looked at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for my dumbass partner, that's what."

She crossed the clearing and squatted beside him on the opposite side of the fire. The firelight shaded her face, reflecting off her blonde hair here and there. She looked... beautiful. It was all he could do not to reach up and touch her cheek. And it hit him hard, how much he had really missed her. He had to look away, or she would see it, in his eyes, how much in love with her he was, how deeply hurt he felt. But he couldn't let her see that. Ever.

"What the hell are you doing out here, in the middle of nowhere, all alone? What are you running away from?"

He was running away from...her. From the pain of losing her and dealing with that loss. But now...now he was ready to face it. "How did you find me?"

"Good detective work. We found your car, then pulled your credit card activity. It wasn't too hard to see where you'd gone."

"You pulled my card?"

"Of course we did." She watched him. "Bobby, why didn't you talk to me?" He dropped back onto his back and turned his eyes back to the stars. "Don't you dare shut down on me, dammit."

"Maybe I just wasn't in the mood..."

"Well, I _am_ in the mood to kick your stupid ass all the way back to New York. Or would you rather I just leave you out here to be eaten by bears?"

Again he didn't answer and he didn't look at her. But she could see a glimmer in his eye, a small sliver of the pain he felt. Softly, she said, "How the hell could you ever think I wanted another partner?"

His eyes did shift toward her. "Eames..."

"Shut up. I talked to Mike and after what you told him...Bobby...that was a hard case for both of us. It took a lot out of us. It was the _job _I needed a break from, you idiot, not you. I was disappointed that you didn't come over while I was off, but I figured you needed the time as well. Then I go back to work and you're gone...what the hell, Goren? You always come and talk to me when your world starts to crumble. Why not this time?"

"Because this time you were the reason it was crumbling. You said you needed a break. You told me not to..."

"And you couldn't see how utterly exhausted I was?"

"After the look that was in your eyes the night before, Eames..."

"Exhaustion, stupid. And...I wasn't willing to take that step under those circumstances. I was afraid that would have sent you over the edge with guilt. Apparently, I read you wrong. Then after what you told Mike..."

"What did I tell Mike?"

"That you'd driven me away. Stupid, stupid idiot. I've been watching you poke and sniff corpses for five years. If you haven't done anything to chase me away yet, you are not going to. I am not going to be the one who walks away, Bobby. If anyone is going to leave _us_, it's going to be you."

"You mean...you weren't talking about us?"

"No, I wasn't. Not at all. God, Bobby...when you get something wrong...it's just like when you get something right. You latch on and don't let go. Your intensity swings both ways." She sighed. "Mike told me one other thing that got me thinking."

"What'd I stick my foot in now?"

"You told him you were in love with me."

"What? And he told you that? Wait til I see him..."

"You want me to get him?"

"He's here?"

"Did you think I would come up here into the wilderness alone, like you did? I, for one, am _not_ an idiot, Goren."

"You got him out here?"

"It's not like I gave him a choice. He should have called me that night so I could have talked to you then. It's partly his fault you're here. He just didn't believe you because you were drunk."

He shook his head. "He shouldn't have told you that, Eames. That wasn't his place."

"It's not like you were ever going to tell me, right?"

"Right. But still..."

"Bobby?"

He looked at her. "What?"

"Just shut up." She leaned down and pressed her lips against his, burying her hands in his hair and gently sliding her tongue past his lips. He groaned deeply, slipping his arms around her and pulling her against him.

She pulled away when she heard a crash in the brush and Logan came into the clearing, carrying the pack and looking over his shoulder. "Ok, guys, get a fucking room. There's something out there and I did not come two thousand miles to get eaten by a deer."

Goren smiled. "Uh, deer don't eat meat, Mike."

Logan pointed at him. "I am going to kill you, Goren. You ever do anything like this again, and Eames or no Eames, I swear I'll shoot your stupid ass."

"It's good to see you, too, Mike."

Logan dropped the pack and paced around the campsite. Eames tried hard not to laugh. "I guess it's safe to say Mike's not a mountain man."

Goren started laughing, and Eames couldn't help but join in. Logan stared at them. "Ha, ha...I'm glad you two think it's so funny. But there was something out there."

"Think Bambi, Logan."

"The only Bambi I want to think about is a five-foot-nine blonde with breasts out to..."

"We get the picture," Eames interrupted.

"Try to settle down," Goren said quietly. "I've been out here for two weeks and I have yet to see a bear."

"So you're about due, aren't you?"

"You keep making all that noise and you'll attract every bear and mountain lion in a two mile radius looking for distressed prey."

"I would love to distress you, Goren."

"Have at it, man."

"Ok, you two. Enough. Getting medical help out here is a little more complicated than dialing 911."

Goren settled back down and returned his attention to the stars, glancing every few minutes toward Eames, as though he wasn't completely convinced she was really there. But once Logan settled down in his sleeping bag, she came over to him. She gently rubbed his chest and shook her head. "I can't believe you did this."

"I had the time off coming."

"Yeah, ok. I could think of better ways to spend it, though."

"I like camping, and I prefer camping alone."

"Suppose I wanted to come along?"

He smiled. "I'd take you anywhere, Eames. And I'd follow you to hell and back."

She nodded. "I know."

She settled herself in his arms and he softly kissed her. This was where he'd wanted her to be all along, where he _needed_ her to be. She fell asleep quickly, exhausted from a full day and a half of hiking and camping.

His mind shifted, and he thought about Emily. _I'm a band-aid, Bobby_. She had come along at the right time and given him the first aid he needed, to get him to the point he felt he could face whatever waited for him. Knowing that he'd misunderstood and he could have saved himself some grief would have caused him a new bout of guilt, except for her. She had almost made it all worthwhile. He loved his partner deeply, and he belonged with her. But if it weren't for her...he could have loved the spunky little lawyer. Maybe on some level, he did.

He sighed softly and gently kissed her forehead, then her temple...and her nose...and her lips... She groaned into his mouth and he pulled her closer, letting his tongue play with hers as his hands gently roamed. She caught her breath. "Cut it out," she whispered, laughing softly.

From across the fire, a rock landed near Goren's head. "I won't miss next time," Logan grumbled. "Go to sleep, dammit."

Goren laughed again, wrapping his arms around his partner. She snuggled into him, gently poking him in the ribs. "Yes, go to sleep," she whispered.

He gently rubbed her back and before long, they were both sleeping.

* * *

**A/N: Everyone seemed worried the Eames was going to come upon Bobby and Emily, and that would have been an interesting scenario to play out, but I came to like Emily too much to mess with that particular scene. So ****I have other plans for Emily in his life...**


	8. Heading Home

Logan pulled the car into the parking lot and stopped it beside Goren's car. "I've got more damn mosquito bites...how come they don't bother either of you?"

Eames shrugged. "I just have one or two."

Goren tried hard not to smile. "Insect repellent."

Logan reached toward him but he ducked out of the way, giving in to his desire to laugh at him. "You're buying the damn drinks next time."

He slid his large frame out of the car and Logan looked at Eames. "You go with him and I'll follow. And if he tries to friggin' lose me I'll ram him."

"Don't worry, Mike. I'll watch out for you."

Goren was oddly quiet as they headed through the mountains toward Denver. Eames watched him for a few miles before she ventured, "Penny for your thoughts?"

She tossed a penny in his direction, surprised when he caught it without taking his eyes from the road. He handed it back to her. "They're about you, anyway."

"What about me?"

He sighed, trying to frame his thoughts into words. "Um, I guess you can imagine what was going through my head."

"Tell me, so I don't have to imagine."

"I couldn't think of what I'd done to make you leave."

"And that didn't give you a clue?"

"I never knew why the others left, either."

"But you could guess. I stayed through all that, Bobby. I came to like your...quirkiness. You're a...fun and interesting partner. You always keep me guessing, always surprise me, and I love that about you. I have no desire to give that up."

"I'm sorry I misunderstood. I would have come to see you..."

"I know. It was a hard case, though, and I just needed time to...recover."

"Were you glad I didn't come by?"

She thought about that. "No. No, I wasn't. I missed you. How crazy is that? I can spend fourteen or sixteen hours a day with you for two weeks, and then I go home for a weekend, and I miss you."

"It's not crazy. I...I miss you like that, too. I never get tired of being with you, Alex. And thinking you were ready to walk away from me...that damn near killed me."

"You should have talked to me."

"That's what Emily said."

_Oh, fuck._ He bit his lip. She raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

He shrugged, trying to be casual about it. "Another hiker I met on the trail." He frowned when she started to laugh. "What?"

"Leave it to you, Goren. You go running off to hide in the wilderness and you find a damn girl."

He clenched his jaw and kept his eye on the road. He failed to see any humor in it at all. But when her hand came to rest on his arm, his face softened. She reached up to gently stroke his cheek. "It's ok, Bobby. Really. What was she like?"

"Come to think of it, she was a lot like you. A lot of fire in her. She's a prosecutor in Austin. She told me I had to go home and work this out with you."

"So you didn't sleep with her?"

"Why so surprised, Eames? I don't jump in bed with every woman who crosses my path."

"But?"

He ran his hand over his hair and rubbed his chin. She knew him too well. "I...uh, I could have...would have...but I...well, she wouldn't have it."

She laughed again. "You're priceless, you idiot."

He frowned again. "What?"

"She wouldn't?"

"No. It wouldn't have been right, because I love you."

"But you.."

"I was hurting, Eames. I just...I wanted the fucking pain to stop for a little while. Can you get that?"

"Yes, Bobby. I get it. It's ok. She sounds like she has a lot of integrity. Maybe you can introduce us sometime."

"I think you'd like each other. I'm not sure how I'd fare though."

"Is that why you never introduce me to your girlfriends?"

"One reason."

She smiled. "So meeting up with Emily was a good thing?"

"For me, it was. I'm not so sure about her."

"Why?"

"You know how I am."

"You couldn't have been too bad if she liked you."

"Maybe she liked me...too much. That wasn't fair and I didn't mean...to cause her any pain."

"Shit, Bobby. Does everything have to be a guilt trip for you?"

"Thank my mom for that."

Reaching over, she played with his hair. "Eames...don't."

"If you ever start feeling guilty about us, I'm going to hurt you."

His mouth twitched as he suppressed a smile. She continued playing with his hair. "Unless you want me to drive off the road, stop that."

She laughed and sat back, turning her attention to the scenery, glancing back every once in awhile to make sure Logan was still behind them.

They decided to stop in Denver for the night, and Logan was excited when they found an all-you-can-eat steakhouse for dinner. "You're like a kid in a candy store," Eames observed.

"I just spent four days eating beef jerky and trail mix. I'm friggin' _hungry_!"

He slid into the booth opposite Goren and Eames and looked at them. "I am so not an outdoorsman, but I came out here with Eames because I care. Not because she made me feel guilty. I'm not a total prick. I take care of my friends."

Eames reached out and laid her hand over his. "And I said thank you...several times."

Logan shifted his eyes toward Goren, who said, "You didn't have to come after me. I was on my way back, anyway. But thank you for looking out for Eames. I know she can take care of herself. Hell, if she came face to face with a bear, I'd feel sorry for the bear." He laughed when she poked him in the ribs. "But I don't want her to be alone when she meets her match. So thanks, Mike."

Logan nodded and got up to get his food. As soon as he was gone, Eames laid a hand on her partner's thigh. He raised his eyebrows and looked at her. Gently she ran her fingers toward his knee, then up along his inner thigh. He closed his eyes and trembled. "Eames..."

She leaned closer and brought her mouth to his ear. "What?"

He swallowed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You know what they say about paybacks?"

"P-paybacks? Payback for what?"

"For scaring the shit out of me."

"Eames..."

Logan returned. "Not hungry?"

"I'm going. Bobby?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

She smiled and left the table. Goren rested his forehead on his hand and sighed heavily. Logan snickered. "She getting to ya?"

"Shut up, Logan." He slid out of the booth and headed off to get something to eat.


	9. Eames' Invitation

He opened the door to the apartment and stepped inside, glad to be home. He was more than just a little annoyed. Eames kept pushing for more information about Emily and, truth be told, he just didn't know the answers to many of her questions. Some of the others, he wasn't comfortable answering. She'd gotten mad at him, thinking he was hiding something from her, which he assured her he wasn't. Not really. She knew him better than that; he didn't keep things from her. So he'd dropped her off at her apartment and come home.

After a quick dinner and a few beers, he sat down to watch television before bed and his mind got to wandering. Pulling his wallet from his pocket, he took out Emily's card and called her.

"Hello?"

"Hello, counsellor."

Her tone changed noticably. "Well, hello, detective. Are you back home?"

"I am. How are things in Austin?"

"Not bad. Did you work things out with Alex?"

His mind drifted to the journey home, the sometimes torturous teasing, the happy relaxed interactions, and the nights when not a lot of sleeping was done. Luckily, he needed little sleep, and she was able to sleep in the car, to his enjoyment. In spite of their recent argument, he was sure things were okay. "Um, yes. We got it all worked out. It was just a stupid misunderstanding, and the stupid part...well, that was all me."

"Somehow I have trouble seeing you as stupid."

"You just don't know me very well, that's all. Ask Alex."

"I'd love to. Did you tell her...?"

"I don't keep things from her. She knows me too well. Any time I've tried, well, it just doesn't work too well."

She laughed. He still loved the sound. "That's a good thing, though, honesty. You'll get far with that."

"Yeah, well, she thought it was funny that I ran into a woman in the middle of the wilderness. According to her, I have some kind of reputation, at least around our building."

"I can see where that might come about. You have a way about you that's...charming."

He snorted. "Whatever."

"So what are you doing?"

"Just watching some television. You?"

"Getting ready for bed."

He had to ask. He closed his eyes, trying to chase away the images that popped, unbidden, into his mind. "Oh, I...uh..."

"What are you all flustered for? You can't _see_ me."

That just made things worse. "I'm not...I mean, I didn't intend to interrupt..."

"Interrupt what? I'm not _doing_ anything."

This was getting him nowhere fast...nowhere but into trouble. "I'd better let you go. I'm tired and my mind is a little muddled. I-I'll talk to you again. Soon."

"It was good to hear your voice."

"Same here. Good night, counsellor."

"Good night, detective."

He closed the phone and leaned his head back. It was so wrong for him to feel this way...but he did. Just an innocent remark and he got all flustered. What was that about? And why did it lead his mind down a path reminiscent of her soft skin and gentle kisses...?

He opened his phone again and hit speed dial '2'. "Eames."

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"Eames, I'm sorry. I...really, I'm not hiding anything. Nothing much happened..."

"Bobby, I know you. I know you very well. There's something about her..."

"Yes, there is. But I promise you, it's nothing...nothing like what I feel for you. There..." He paused, running his hand over his hair. "Dammit, Alex, I love you. I have for a long time. Nothing will change that. Emily is no threat to you. Besides that, she lives 2000 miles away."

Eames was a secure person. She knew that he loved her and she was not the jealous type. But something in his eyes when he talked about Emily made her feel uneasy, and she didn't understand that. She tried hard not to succumb to petty jealousy, but she wasn't at all sure that was what she felt. Bobby had had several girlfriends over the past few years, and she'd never felt like this about them...and she knew he'd slept with most, if not all, of them. He swore he hadn't had sex with Emily, and she believed him--he wasn't a good liar, not to her. But there was something else.

She knew he noticed women; she saw that all the time. He flirted with them, too. Again, not a threat. Sometimes she got annoyed when they would flirt back and he continued the game, but she did that, too, and, after all, it _was_ just a game. But something told her that, with Emily, it was different. "Eames?"

"It's ok, Bobby. I'm fine. I'm sorry I got mad. I know you love me, and I love you, too."

"So...we're okay now?"

"Were we ever not okay?"

"I guess not. I just thought we weren't."

"I still say you're an idiot. Talk to me next time and save yourself a lot of grief."

"I know, Eames. I know. I heard you the first dozen times you told me."

"Don't be an ass, Goren."

He laughed quietly. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'll come by. Right now I'm going to take a nice shower and go to bed. You'd better get some rest, too. You didn't sleep much on the drive home."

"Now who's fault was that?"

It was her turn to laugh quietly. "Are you complaining, Goren?"

"Not at all. You drive me nuts, Eames."

"I know. Good night, Bobby."

"Good night. I love you."

She liked hearing those words from him, and she knew he meant them. "I love you, too."

He closed the phone. Well, that only made matters worse. He got up, flipped off the television, took a cold shower, and went to bed.

---------------------------------------------

After dinner a few nights later, they were sitting on the couch in his apartment, watching a movie. She was snuggled against him, engrossed in the picture and absently running her fingers through the hair on his chest. She had slid off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, under mild protest, at the beginning of the movie. He was so distracted he couldn't recount a single scene that played across the television, but he knew every move she'd made.

After the movie, her hands got more adventurous, until the phone rang. He swore, sorely tempted not to answer it. But he grabbed it. "Goren."

"Hi, detective. Busy?"

He smiled. "Hi, counsellor. Um, a little."

"I can call back."

Eames sat up and grinned at him. "Is that your hiking buddy?" He nodded. "Let me say hi."

He shook his head. "It's all right, Emily," he said quietly.

Eames poked him in the stomach. "Come on, Bobby..."

"Cut it out," he whispered.

Emily sounded amused. "Is Alex there?"

"Yes."

"Ah...then I interrupted..."

"It's nothing we can't get back to, I promise."

Eames brought her mouth to his ear. "Let me say hello..."

He caught his breath when she nipped his earlobe. "Eames!"

"Bobby? Let me say hello to Alex."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Oh, come on. Please."

He bit his lip and looked at his partner, who was kneeling beside him. "Come on, Bobby. Let me say hi to her."

Against his better judgment, but totally unable to resist both of them, he handed Eames the phone. "Hello? Emily?"

"Alex...it's nice to talk to you. I heard a lot about you."

"Same here."

With a quiet groan, Goren got off the couch and went into the kitchen. Taking a beer from the refrigerator, he opened it and leaned over the sink. This was so not a good idea. He heard Eames laugh and he shook his head. Why did he agree...?

She appeared in the kitchen doorway. "He's moping in the kitchen."

His head jerked up. "I am _not_ moping," he protested.

She walked to him and gently tickled his side. "Sure you are. Here he is, Emily. It was nice talking to you. Sure...that's why I gave it to you. Bye."

She handed the phone back to him. "Gave her what?"

Eames just smiled and left the kitchen. He brought the phone to his ear. "What did she give you?"

"Nothing. Just her number."

He groaned again. "I am so screwed," he said softly.

"What makes you say that?"

"You and Eames getting together..." He shook his head. "That's just...bad news for me."

"Bobby, as much as you love her..."

"That has nothing to do with anything."

"Look, I have an early morning. I'm glad you let me talk to her."

"Like I had a choice."

She laughed. "Good night, detective."

He smiled softly. "Good night, counsellor."

He poked his head out of the kitchen and looked at Eames, who had stretched out on the couch. He sighed and drained his beer. "Happy?"

"Very. She's like all your buddies."

He frowned. "She's nothing like my buddies."

"Sure, she is. She's spunky and I like her. She reminds me of Lewis...kind of...perky."

"She's not perky."

"Oh, I don't know...maybe it was because she was talking about you..."

"Eames..." He wasn't sure why she was teasing him, but he certainly preferred that over arguing. Maybe letting her talk to Emily had been a good idea...

"And she's going to come for a visit."

He froze and his brain quit working. "What?"

She smiled. The look on his face was priceless. "She's going to come for a visit."

"When?"

"Next month."

"Who's idea was that?"

"Mine, actually. I want to meet her. She sounds like an interesting person...and she's nice..." She watched carefully to gauge his reaction. "And you are very attracted to her."

A look of horror spread across his face and she knew it was true. "So you invited her for a visit? Eames, what are you doing to me?"

"She was initially hesitant, but I talked her into it. I want to meet the competition."

"Competition?" He shook his head. "I'm not my dad, Eames. I'm not a player. I don't do that."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I...I'm not upset. I...just..." Why was she doing this? Didn't she believe him that he loved her? Maybe this was her way of showing him she trusted him...

She leaned across the coffee table and grabbed his hand, pulling him back to the couch. Leaning up, she kissed his temple. "I really want to meet her. I think I'll like her. I trust you, Bobby; it'll be okay. Are you saying you don't want to see her again?"

"No. It's just...the two of you getting together makes me...nervous."

She laughed and settled against him, running her hand over his chest again. He groaned softly and pulled her into his arms.


	10. Ruminations

"She did what?" Mike Logan exclaimed. "Has she lost her mind? She's been hanging around you too long."

"I have no idea what she's thinking. All she'll say is she wants to meet her."

Logan looked into his drink. "Tell me something, Bobby."

"What?"

"What happened between the two of you out there?"

Goren sighed. "We talked mostly."

"And when you weren't talking?"

Goren was silent, but Logan noticed the far-off look in his eyes. He smacked Goren's shoulder. "You slept with her!"

"Well...technically...but we never had sex."

"Why the hell not? You weren't with Eames then."

"She...refused to go that far...not until after I'd tried working things out with Eames."

"If she hadn't refused, would you have?"

"Yeah, I would have. I just...I wanted to stop hurting."

"And that would have stopped the pain?"

"For awhile."

Logan finished his drink and then signaled for another. "I know you love Alex and all you want is to be with her. But this other woman...you're attracted to her?" Hesitantly, he nodded. "You still think about her?"

"I can't help it."

"If you had a chance...?"

"I don't want a chance."

"But if one presented itself...what would you do?"

"Uh...shoot myself."

"You know, all that talk is fine and dandy when she's two thousand miles away. But when she's in front of you, and it's all right there..."

Goren looked down at his hands. He downed his drink. "I love Alex," he muttered.

"Be square with me, man. Do you love Emily?"

"How can I answer that? I don't know her well enough to answer you, Mike. Could I love her? Yeah, I think I could. Do I? I don't see how I can."

"But the attraction's there."

Goren shifted nervously. "Yeah, the attraction's there," he sighed. God, was it ever...

"Does Alex know how you feel? About her and about Emily?"

"She knows I love her, and she trusts me. Emily...has class. She wouldn't put me in that position."

"So what are you worried about?"

"I...don't know. I just...am."

"Chill out, man. If these women love you, they're not going to do anything to hurt you. They won't put you in that position." He shook his head. "Shit, Goren. I wish I had your problems."

"No, Mike. You don't."

-----------------------------------------------

"You don't know me! How can you make those assumptions!"

The suspect got to her feet, furious and bordering on hysterical. Eames remained calm. "If I'm wrong, Helene, just tell us where you were the night of the 24th. We'll check out your alibi and if it's legitimate, we'll leave you alone."

Then Goren started in on her. Eames watched as he came in for the kill, and the suspect snapped. She hurled herself right at Eames, which neither she nor Goren expected. Eames threw herself back just in time to avoid the woman's grasp, and Helene never got any further. Goren was right there, restraining her and waiting for the uniforms to come through the door to take her away. They dragged her, screaming and threatening, from the room. Carver was pleased and so was Deakins.

Goren stood at the door, watching them drag her down the hall, followed by Carver. Deakins headed back for his office.Then he turned back into the room. She was a little shaken, he could tell. That had been unexpected. He walked over to her and tipped his head down to see her face. "Hey...you ok?"

Eames nodded. "She just...surprised me."

"Me, too."

She met his eyes. "Thanks."

"Come on, Eames. I'll treat you to lunch. The paperwork can wait for an hour or so."

She smiled and he touched her shoulder. A simple gesture, reassuring, very...him. She got up as he headed for the door, opening it and letting her pass into the hall before him, his hand resting lightly against the small of her back. They headed for the elevators.

------------------------------------------

She ate her sandwich in silence, knowing he was watching her. She wasn't surprised when he reached across the table, touching the back of her hand with a finger. She slid her hand into his. "Are you sure you're ok, Eames?"

"Yes, Bobby. I'm fine."

"Look at me and say that."

She lifted her eyes to meet his and she gave him a smile. "I'm fine."

"It's not the suspect, is it?"

"I got over that by the time we left the interrogation room."

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing I want to talk about right now, ok?"

The truth of the matter was she had talked to Emily last night. The conversation had not been about him at all. It was something else entirely...something that left her feeling...she wasn't even sure how she felt. Maybe after Emily arrived the next week she would have a better idea of how she felt and what it really meant to her...and to him. But she couldn't help that it troubled her. She found herself anxiously awaiting Emily's arrival. She had been talking to the Texas prosecutor frequently over the past three weeks and she found herself really liking her. She was funny and spontaneous. She had a way of lightening any mood and Eames found that she understood her partner's attraction to her. It was really hard not to like Emily, and she was just his type.

She was actually surprised when she began talking to Emily and their conversations had nothing to do with Bobby. She talked about her nephew and listened to Emily discuss her three-year-old niece, to whom she was devoted. One night they had talked for three hours about nothing at all. And they did talk about Bobby, which she knew he'd been afraid they would do. If only he knew...

He watched her and wondered where she was, lost in her thoughts. He gently rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, but he didn't intrude. He let her mind wander. She certainly left him to his thoughts enough times. He contented himself with watching her finish her food and dwell on whatever was occupying her mind. He never minded watching her. In fact earlier that morning he'd woken forty-five minutes before the alarm and he'd spent the time just watching her sleep. It had been the most peaceful forty-five minutes he'd spent in a long time. He'd switched off the alarm before it rang and woken her in his own way. He smiled at the memory.

"What are you grinning at?" she asked, bringing her mind back to the present.

Softly, he said, "I love you."

She smiled. "Where did that come from?"

"From my heart," he responded.

She squeezed his hand. "I love you, too, Bobby."

He sighed softly. "We'd better get back. The paperwork will wait, but I doubt Deakins will."

She laughed and finished her coffee. "You're right about that."

Sliding out of the booth before he did, she moved over to him and lightly kissed him before he stood up. "Thanks, Bobby."

"For what?"

"Just...for being there."

"I'll always be there, Eames. You'll never have to look for me."

She laughed softly as they headed for the cash register. "You're a hard one to miss, Goren."

Smiling, he pulled out his wallet. She waited while he returned to the table to leave a tip and they headed back to the squadroom.


	11. Preparing For a Visitor

He took her to a nice dinner once they closed Helene's case. It hadn't been a particularly difficult one. He'd been able to slip into the perp's mind right away and he'd nailed the profile within a few days of the assault. Aside from her aborted attack on Eames, it was pretty much an open-and-shut case.

She reached across the table with her fork and speared a piece of his broccoli. He smiled at her. She could clearly read the love in his eyes, and she had no doubt that it was real. After dinner, they went for a walk in Central Park. She slipped her hand into his as they walked. "So," she began. "Have you given any thought to where Emily is going to stay while she's here?"

He looked at her. "What do you mean? She's your guest, Eames."

"Well, I thought she could stay at your place."

She watched the color drain from his face. "You what?"

"What's the matter? Bad idea?"

It sure as hell was! "Eames..."

She couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. He looked confused. "Oh, Bobby...you idiot. I wouldn't do that to you. She's staying with me."

He didn't smile. "That wasn't funny, Eames."

"Sure it was. You should have seen your face."

"Dammit..."

He stepped toward her and she took off running. He was right behind her. Damn, she was fast! He caught her after a short chase, pulling her back into his body. She was still laughing. He buried his face against her neck. "I'm gonna be in deep shit with the two of you together, huh?"

"You know it, partner."

She found his mouth and kissed him. "Are you sure you don't want to take the time off with me?"

He backed her toward the trees along the side of the path. "I'm sure. I think after work and the weekend is going to be about all I can take of the two of you."

"Friday night we're taking her out to dinner, and Mike and Carolyn are going with us."

He nodded. "Whatever."

He was more interested in what her lips and her hands were doing than making any plans at the moment. He kissed her again.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Bobby?"

"Mmmm?" he muttered sleepily as she played with his hair.

"What would you have done if I was serious about her staying here?"

He opened one eye and looked at her. "I'd have given her the key and let her stay."

"Really?"

"Really. And I would have gone to stay with Logan."

"Logan? Not with me?"

"No, not with you...for putting me in that position in the first place."

"You mean I'd have to go the whole week...?"

"That's right."

"That's mean, Goren."

"It'd serve you right."

"You'd be missing out yourself, you know."

"A sacrifice I'd be willing to make..."

She nuzzled his neck. "Oh?"

"Yes..."

She moved her lips down to his chest. "You think so? All week?"

"I...uh...well maybe not _all_ week..."

Playfully, she nipped him, laughing when he turned toward her and nipped her back.

------------------------------------------------------

She watched him pace as they waited for Emily to join them in the baggage claim area once she disembarked from the plane from Austin. She was amused at his nervousness. It increased his energy dramatically and he didn't really know what to do with himself. "Will you settle down? Everything is going to be fine."

He nodded tightly, not sure he shared her optimism though he wasn't sure why. He had no way of knowing how well the two women had hit it off, since neither of them told him they'd been talking alot. He talked to Emily probably twice a week; Eames talked to her at least twice that often, and for longer periods of time. She enjoyed talking to Emily...the woman loved to laugh and she was good at making her laugh, too. The better she came to know her, the more she understood her partner's attraction to her. And knowing him as well as she did, she understood his guilt as well.

She knew the moment he saw her, and for an instant she was uneasy. Maybe this had not been such a great idea after all. But then she recalled several conversations, and she knew it was all right...whether he thought so or not. She watched as he caught her in a hug and gently kissed the top of her head. Gentle and affectionate...that was her Bobby.

Goren was a bit taken aback. He had only seen her in hiking clothes and boots before. Now she was dressed in a lightweight white cotton dress with large peach-colored flowers on it and white sandals. And she looked...great. She stepped back from his arms and fingered the lapel of his suit jacket. "Wow...Armani. You look great!"

He touched her cheek. "So do you, counsellor."

She smiled at him, holding his gaze for a moment, then she looked past him and exclaimed, "Alex!"

She pulled the petite detective into a warm hug. Eames was touched by the smile of pure delight on Emily's face. Chatting happily, the two women headed toward the baggage carousel that was receiving the luggage from her flight. Goren followed behind, content to watch them and happy they seemed oblivious to him, at least for the moment.


	12. Poking the Fire

Eames dropped him back off at 1PP after picking Emily up at the airport. He got out of the SUV and opened the back door so Emily could get into the front seat. She rested her hand on his chest with a smile. "Thank you, detective. We'll see you later?"

He met her eyes and held her gaze. "That's entirely up to my partner. You girls have fun."

Eames smiled as Emily got into the car. "Enjoy your paperwork."

He raised an eyebrow and leaned over to look at her through the window. "_My_ paperwork? Would you be referring to that pile on your desk that you've been avoiding for the past two days because you knew you were going to be off for a week?"

"It's not on my desk, Goren. I slid it over to yours before we left this morning."

"Thanks."

"Anything I can do to help."

"Get out of here," he smiled, backing away from the car and turning to head into the building.

Eames smiled as she watched him cross the plaza. "He hates paperwork."

"So why is he doing it?"

"Because he doesn't want to take time off."

"Really? I jump at any chance I can to take time off."

"That's not how Bobby works. He loves his job, and he's great at it. I've never known a more brilliant detective."

"And where do you fit in, Alex?"

"I'm Dr. Watson to his Sherlock Holmes."

"I think you're a little more than that."

Eames smiled. "We work together like a well-oiled machine...on the job and off."

Emily laughed. "I'm so glad you two worked it out."

"So am I. I do love him."

"He loves you, too, Alex. He really does. I've seen it in his face and I can hear it in his voice."

"That hasn't kept him from being attracted to you. Do you know that?"

"Attracted? I just thought it was...his distress that drove him to do what he did."

"Bobby isn't one to take advantage of people that way."

"Why didn't you tell me this on the phone?"

"This is a conversation I wasn't about to have over the phone."

"I wouldn't have come..."

"Exactly. And I wanted you to come. Don't worry about Bobby. He's not a player. And I can handle him. He's not going to attack you."

Emily laughed. "I'd have to hurt him."

"Me, too." She sighed. "The affection you hear in his voice is real, Emily. He does know how to play the game, but you aren't a suspect and he quit the game outside the job the first time he told me he loved me. It's not a game with you. I really haven't seen him this way about anyone before. You had a real effect on him, and he hasn't been able to let you go."

The smile left Emily's face. "He's not going to have much choice."

"I know." She sighed, changing the subject. "So what do you want for lunch?"

-----------------------------------------

He let himself into his apartment and slipped off his jacket and his tie. Heading to the bedroom, he hung them both up. He had just taken off his shirt when he heard voices in the living room. "Eames?"

She came down the hall and stood in the doorway, smiling. "Look at you."

He glanced down. "What?"

She laughed. "I just like what I see."

He smiled as he opened a drawer and pulled out a t-shirt, slipping it over his head. "Did you two have a good day?"

"Yes. Did you?"

"I did paperwork all afternoon and put up with Logan's harassment. Would you call that a good day?"

"I'd call it a fairly normal one."

"I suppose. Mike is convinced it's not a good idea for me to leave you two unattended."

"What does he think we're going to do?"

"He said something about plotting my demise."

Laughing, she stepped up to him and backed him toward the bed until his legs hit the side of the mattress and he dropped down onto it. Raking her nails down the front of his shirt, she whispered into his ear, "I don't need any help to torture you."

She felt him tense and catch his breath when she slid her hand along the waistband of his trousers and ran her tongue along his ear. Then she kissed him and, with a smile, left the room. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He half-seriously considered taking another few days off and leaving town for the rest of the week. Changing into a pair of jeans, he braced himself and left the room.

Emily smiled at him. "You changed," she said. "I liked your suit."

"It gets a little hot in August, especially with Eames around."

She leaned back on the couch. "Why do you call her by her last name?"

He shrugged. "I always have."

Eames smiled. "It's never what he says, Emily. It's always how he says it. I have seen him deliver a compliment using a tone that carried enough venom to drop a man on the spot, and I've seen him deliver insults in a saccharine tone that would send a person into sugar shock."

Goren snorted and headed for the kitchen. "And I've seen the same tones whoosh right over people's heads. Anybody want a beer?"

"No thanks," Emily replied.

"What else do you have in there?"

He poked his head back out of the kitchen to look at her. She knew damn well what he had in his fridge. But he humored her. "Those wine coolers you left here last week and your coconut rum. I've also got a couple of colas and some apple juice."

Emily looked over the back of the couch. "Could I trouble you for a glass of apple juice?"

"No trouble. Eames?"

"A rum and coke."

He smiled. "Of course. Did you girls have dinner?"

"I ordered a pizza."

"Sounds good."

After a few minutes he came out of the kitchen, handing each of them what they'd asked for. He leaned over and looked at Emily. "Are you all right, counsellor? You look tired."

"I'm exhausted. It's been a busy day."

"Do you want to lay down?"

Eames smiled. "Bobby has a very comfortable bed."

Emily returned her smile. "I'm okay, thanks."

Eames lowered herself onto the couch beside her as Goren went back into the kitchen for his beer. She leaned toward Emily. "We'll call it an early night."

"He won't mind?"

"Why would he? Don't worry about offending him, Emily. He wouldn't know it if you smacked him in the face with it half the time."

"I heard that."

"Am I lying?"

"That's beside the point." He dropped down on the couch beside Emily. She looked at him. Such a...young face, bright and open. Warm, dark eyes, dark curls flecked with grey, a beautiful smile...She looked at Alex, meeting her eyes and seeing a smile there. He tipped his head forward. "Are you sure you don't want to lay down?"

She turned back to him, surprised to see him so close. But she neither flinched nor withdrew. "I'm fine, detective," she said softly.

"If you say so," he answered, sitting back. So close...he was rattled, but he was careful not to let it show. What the hell was it about her that...did that? He shifted his eyes to meet his partner's, feeling slightly annoyed with her for bringing Emily here. He would have been happy to leave her in the realm of his fantasies, but no, Eames had to bring her here and throw her in his face. But...she couldn't have meant anything by it. _If these women love you...they won't put you in that position_. Right, Mike. He sure hoped Logan was right. The doorbell rang and he jumped up to answer it. Eames laughed softly. "You get bit, Goren?"

He gave her a look that told her not to push it and she wrinkled her nose at him, sending a shockwave of desire through his body. Where the hell had that come from? He paid for the pizza, giving the kid a huge tip for interrupting. Interrupting what, he didn't know...and he didn't want to.

After they were done eating, Eames said, "We'd better be going, Bobby. Emily's had a very long day."

"Sure," he answered, getting up from the easy chair, where he'd chosen to sit after the pizza arrived.

Emily, looking a little pale, asked, "Do you mind if I use the rest room?"

"Not at all. It's down the hall, first door on the right."

Eames came over to him and ran her hands over the front of his chest. He groaned softly, tipping his head down and finding her lips with his. Then she stepped from his arms. "I'll miss you tonight," she whispered.

"I...uh, I will, too."

He studied her, breathing in her fresh scent. God, she smelled damn good...

She stepped toward the door as Emily came into the room. "Ready whenever you are, Alex."

He walked to the door with them and held it open. "Remember," Eames said, giving him a soft, but meaningful kiss. "Dinner tomorrow with Logan and Barek."

"Got it...that's gonna be fun."

Eames headed out the door. Emily smiled at him. "It's so good to see you again," she said.

His mouth formed the ghost of a smile. "It's good to see you again, too," he replied. "Rest well, counsellor."

"Good night."

She started to turn away and head out the door when he dipped his head unexpectedly and softly kissed her. "Good night."

She barely hesitated then continued out of the apartment, where Eames waited for her by the elevators.


	13. Help Fanning the Flames

Logan didn't know what he'd expected Emily to be like, but the woman who greeted them with a delighted smile and a warm hug was not her. He'd made up his mind that he wasn't going to like her because of the turmoil she was causing Goren, but dammit, he _did_ like her. She was spunky, funny and smart. He also didn't miss the fact that she was a lot like Eames in build as well as in demeanor. Her wit was not quite as sharp, but she was observant and outspoken. No wonder she had thrown Goren for a loop and he'd fallen so damn hard. After meeting her, and listening to her, he simply couldn't dislike her. One look at his partner told him she was in the same situation.

He looked across the table at Goren, who was sitting between Eames and Barek. Emily was on Eames' other side, next to him. Goren was very quiet, and he wasn't sure what that was about. Logan noticed his gaze kept flipping from Eames to Emily and back as they conversed, but there was nothing in his eyes to betray anything he was feeling.

After Eames had finished her dinner, Goren leaned over and whispered in her ear. She looked at him with a smile, and for the first time all night, Logan saw emotion flash in his friend's eyes. They excused themselves and headed for the dance floor.

It was a slow number, and Eames slid her hand onto his side; he'd left his jacket on the back of his chair. He brought his hand to rest in the small of her back, holding her comfortably close. She smiled at him and he smiled back, his eyes bright. She said, "I'm sorry about last night, that we had to leave so early."

"It's ok." He brought his forehead down to rest against hers. "I miss you. Alot."

She stepped closer into his arms. "I miss you, too."

He didn't take his eyes from hers. "Are you two having fun?"

"Yes, we are. She's alot of fun. I really want her to have a good visit. Would you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Dance with her."

"Uh, Eames..." Didn't she understand how off balance Emily made him? He was playing with fire, dammit, and he didn't want to get burned.

"Please, Bobby. It's important."

He looked puzzled. "Eames..."

"For me. Just because I asked you to, okay?"

He sighed. He really wasn't understanding her. It wasn't that he didn't want to dance with Emily as much as that he was nervous about it. It just seemed that when he was close to her his damn brain short-circuited and by the time he found the circuit breaker, he'd already done something stupid. Softly he said, "Ok, Alex. If you want me to, I will. But..." He leaned closer. "My first dance is always for you."

He leaned closer and kissed her. She smiled. "Thank you." She rested her head against his chest and he kissed her head. He'd always had a hard time telling her no.

Back at the table, Logan watched Emily. She was watching the couple out on the dance floor. He leaned closer. "You know, he's been in love with her for years, but he hesitated because he never wanted to jeopardize their partnership...and he wasn't sure how she felt. But now he knows."

Emily nodded. "She's very in love with him."

He continued watching her look from him to them. Barek watched him, wondering where he was going with this. "They're quite a team. They complement each other," he went on. "They've always had a connection. They can finish each other's thoughts. They're...in-sync with one another."

She looked at him and smiled. Logan was charmed...she did have a sweet smile. "You can put your hackles down, Detective Logan. I am here because Alex invited me. Yes, I wanted to see Bobby again, but I'm _her_ guest."

Softly, he accused, "You're in love with him."

Another smile. "That has nothing to do with anything. I am _not_ trying to take him away from her. I would never do that. And even if I was of that mind, I would never stand a chance."

Logan leaned back, away from her. _Don't underestimate yourself, honey._ "What makes you say that?"

"I saw what losing her would do to him, and I could never break his heart by making that happen. He belongs with her, not me." She nodded toward the dance floor. "I could never do _that_ to him."

She watched them for a moment longer...how she held his gaze, how they kept so close to one another, how there was no way anyone could see them and doubt they were in love...

That was how it had been with Chris. And since meeting Bobby, she found herself missing her late love with renewed intensity, as though it had been just yesterday and not seventeen years ago that she had lost him.

Logan's hand came to rest lightly on her shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, detective. I'm fine."

"You can call me Mike. People who call me detective either don't like me...or I don't like them."

She smiled. "Thank you. Are you sure you like me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You weren't so sure when you got here."

He laughed. She called them as she saw them and pulled no punches. "You must be one hell of a prosecutor. Yes, I'm sure I like you."

"Then I'll be glad to call you Mike."

Logan looked at his partner as he took a drink of his beer. "Gives the term spitfire new meaning, doesn't she, Barek?"

"I'm very impressed. She even makes you seem like less of an idiot, Logan."

"Gee...thanks. I think."

Emily laughed and smiled at Barek. "He suffers from foot-in-mouth disease?"

"A chronic case of it. I'm trying to get him out of it but I'm not sure which is going to happen first--he'll get better or I'll rattle his brains loose."

Logan rubbed the back of his neck as they laughed, relieved to see that the dance had ended. Goren held Eames' chair for her and then sat down, taking a drink. "I, for one, am glad you're back," Logan said.

Goren gave him an almost-smile. "They getting to be too much for you?"

"You know how much I hate being ganged up on."

"What'd you do now?"

"Nothing!"

"He was just being himself," Barek answered.

Eames had leaned over and spoken to Emily and now she nudged her partner. He looked at Emily. "You feel up to a dance?"

She smiled back. "I would love to."

Logan looked at Eames. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You trust them out there?"

"It's a dance floor, Logan. What do you think they're going to do?"

He didn't know what to say, so, for a change, he opted for silence. He turned his attention to the dance floor, surprised that Eames didn't. She'd begun a conversation with Barek.

Emily turned lightly into his arms and he looked at her. "So what do you think of her?"

"No wonder you were so crushed when you thought she was leaving. I always got it that you loved her, but I really had no idea."

"So you like her?"

"Yes. Very much. She's good for you."

He smiled. "Yeah, she is. I don't think I told you that she went out to Colorado, did I?"

"She did?"

"Yeah. She dragged Mike along with her, almost kicking and screaming."

She laughed. "Why did they go out there?"

"She came after me."

Emily studied him. "I'm very impressed. She knew..."

"Yeah. I had talked to Mike but he ignored what I said because I was drunk. She knew better. So they tracked me down and she came after me. She...knew what kind of state I'd be in. I was better, because of you, but she wasn't wrong."

"You are very lucky. And so is she. I am happy for both of you."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I hope you were serious when you told me you'd keep looking."

"Don't worry about me, Bobby. I found love once and that's enough for me."

"Emily..."

She touched his lips. "Shhh. I promise you, it's fine."

He fell silent, watching her as she moved lightly to his lead. She was a beautiful woman...almost as breathtaking to him as Alex was. He was acutely aware of her hand pressing against his side, and his hand against her back...Was Eames out of her mind? He fought down the urge to kiss her, opting instead to press his fingers into her back, drawing her two steps closer and willing his brain not to shut down.

She took a deep breath and rested her head against his chest. He felt her tremble against him and leaned over to look at her face. "Are you okay?"

"I...think I need to sit down."

"Sure. We can go back to the table."

She held on tightly to his hand as he led her back to the table. Logan was frowning at him, but Barek and Eames were watching Emily. She sat down in her chair and took a drink of water, looking at Eames, who asked, "Is everything okay?"

She nodded. "I just felt like I needed to sit down, that's all. I'm okay now."

Goren had returned to his seat. Eames slid her hand into his lap and leaned toward him. "Thanks, Bobby."

He kissed her cheek. "I didn't do anything."

Emily seemed to be all right, though he was a little concerned about her. Barek leaned toward him. "If you're not all danced out, Bobby..."

He smiled. "Not at all."

He stood up again, meeting Eames' eyes as he led Barek out onto the dance floor. Logan looked at Emily. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes. I'm fine now."

"So would it be too taxing if I took you out for a dance, if Alex doesn't mind, that is?"

"Why would I mind? Go for it."

Emily smiled and nodded. Eames sat back and watched them leave the table. She was very glad that Logan and Barek seemed to like Emily. She didn't like what was happening one bit, and it was going to be a hard blow, especially for her partner. She sighed heavily, hoping that this visit had been the right decision for all three of them.


	14. Playtime

They headed out of the restaurant and Logan suggested, "Anybody up for a few games of pool?"

Eames glanced at Emily, who shook her head. "No, thanks, Mike. I think we're going to head home. It's been a busy day."

Goren came up behind her and leaned down. He whispered into her ear, "Are you sure everything is okay?"

She looked up at him. "Yes."

His eyes scanned her face, and she couldn't help laughing. "Quit trying to read me, Goren. You boys go on and play, and I'll see you tomorrow."

He kissed her softly. "Are you okay?"

"I promise, I'm fine. Now go and stay out of trouble."

He motioned to Logan and they said good night. The three women watched them head down the sidewalk. Eames said, "How does _Mrs. Doubtfire_ and chocolate ice cream strike you girls?"

Emily smiled broadly, "Sounds like a plan!"

They headed away in the opposite direction.

------------------------------------------------

They called it quits after four games. Logan looked at the man on the barstool beside him. "Tell me something."

Goren looked suspicious. "I don't like conversations that start that way."

"Deal with it. You think she's something special, don't you?"

"Who?"

"Emily."

"Don't you?"

"I'm unclaimed freight, man. I could take her home with me and roll in the hay with her all friggin' weekend and never get in trouble for it. You do that and Eames will castrate you."

Goren laughed. "I have no intention of going anywhere near the hay with her, Logan. You want to take a shot, be my guest. Just don't use her or hurt her or I'll have to turn you into dog meat."

"You care about her."

"Of course I do. She...kept me from going over the edge, Mike. I...I thought I'd lost Eames. You have no idea what that did to me. After all this time, I was finally getting settled into thinking I'd finally found a partner who would be with me for the long haul. I was just starting to let go of the fear that she was going to leave. And then I thought she did. She was just more patient than the others but I finally succeeded in driving her away."

"Idiot. Even I can see that you're not gonna chase her off. Half the things you do would send anyone else scrambling, but she just smiles and shakes her head. Or looks the other way. Or flat out laughs at you. I've seen you at a handful of homicide scenes, and it can be creepy to watch you. But she doesn't see it that way."

"I got lucky."

"You hit the jackpot, Goren." He drained his glass and signaled for another round. He gave his friend a sideways glance. "Don't mess it up on a passing fancy."

Goren finished his drink as the bartender set up another one. "Not a chance," he replied.

------------------------------------------------

It was late Sunday night and he had dozed off on the couch. Eames, Barek and Emily had decided to make it a "girls' weekend," which was fine with him. He and Logan had kept busy. After dinner, Logan had gone home and he'd settled in to watch a movie, which he'd dozed off halfway through. He didn't hear the door open, and he didn't hear anyone come into the apartment. The sound of the deadbolt engaging made him stir, but he didn't waken. Even when she touched him, all he did was shift his position. She smiled. He had really gotten used to having her around. He used to wake up every time she took a deep breath. Leaning down, she kissed him. His breathing changed and he raised his hand to her head, deepening and prolonging her kiss. When she finally pulled back, he opened his eyes and smiled. "How was your girl time?"

She smiled. "It was a great weekend."

"I'm glad." He glanced past her at the time. "It's late. Is everything okay?"

"Yes. I just missed you."

He slid his arm around her. "That's nice to hear."

"It's true. I know you have to get up in the morning for work, but I was wondering if you were up for a little company, just for a while."

"Any time."

He pulled her closer and she melted in his arms.

------------------------------------------

She watched him get dressed after his shower early the next morning. As he tied his tie, she came up behind him and slid her arms around his waist. He adjusted his tie and rested his hands over hers. "I'm looking forward to Thursday morning."

"Why's that?"

"That's when my partner comes back to work." He turned to face her, tipping his head down toward hers. "I don't like it when you're not there."

"You never have."

She leaned forward to kiss him, lightly fingering his belt. He started to step back, but she pulled him forward. Her fingers made quick work of undoing his newly-tied tie. He laughed against her mouth. "Eames, I'm going to be late."

"So, you're late one day this year." She pulled him back toward the bed. "The city will survive."

She slid off his tie and began to unbutton his shirt. Laughing, he followed her back toward the mattress.


	15. Honest Revelations

Tuesday after work, Goren entered his apartment, surprised to be greeted by dinner smells. "Eames?"

Eames and Emily both peeked out of the kitchen to say hi, quickly returning to what they were doing. He took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the easy chair. Untying his tie and opening the top few buttons of his shirt, he walked to the doorway and watched them busy themselves with dinner.

Eames pulled out three plates, piling on the silverware and thrusting them at him. "Here. Set the table."

He raised his eyebrows and smiled, turning toward the table. As he finished with the last place setting, Emily came out and sat down. Leaning toward her, he touched her arm. "Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"I'm ok. I've just overdone it a little."

"Overdone what? Last month you were carrying a seventy-pound pack through the Rocky Mountains and now..."

She touched his lips lightly with her fingertips. "Shhh. I know."

He eased himself down onto the chair beside her, frowning deeply. "What's wrong?"

Eames came out of the kitchen, stopping behind him and resting her hands on his shoulders, squeezing. "After dinner, ok?"

"Eames..."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Please," she whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes. "Eat fast."

The dinner was good, but he had a rock in the middle of his gut that effectively killed his appetite. He forced himself to eat some, but he couldn't force himself to finish. Eames cleared off the table and returned to her seat. Goren looked from one to the other. He had fully connected the dots by now and his face betrayed his apprehension. "What's going on?"

Emily looked at Eames, who nodded at her. She sighed and turned back to him. "Last month, I was still feeling strong and healthy. My doctor nearly had a cow when I told him that I was going to spend a week hiking in the Rockies alone, but it was something I'd always wanted to do and I couldn't postpone it any longer or chances were I would never get to do it. He said my condition could begin to deteriorate at any time and I was taking a huge chance, but it was my chance to take. And I stayed a little longer than I intended, to be with you. But I still felt good. I was at the top of _my_ mountain, Bobby. Not long after I returned home, I began a rapid descent down the other side. My strength began to fail and my stamina all but left. He said it could be a fast decline, but I expected months, not weeks. It's unpredictable. It could have happened in Colorado, and I would have died up there...but that would have been okay, because I loved it there." She sighed. "I have always been active and healthy. I've done really well. Not even my co-workers knew I was sick because I never looked sick. But that's going to change very soon. I'm starting to lose more weight now, and I can feel it all sliding away...my health, my stamina, my life..."

Eames watched his face, but she couldn't interpret his expression. He swallowed. "Um, what is it?"

"Stage IV metastatic ovarian cancer, inoperable. I had no symptoms at all. I developed pneumonia just after Christmas; that's how they found it. By that time, it had metastasized to my liver, my lungs and my lymph nodes."

"And your treatment?"

She shook her head. "After three chemo treatments, I said no more. I'm not stupid; I know there's no hope. I decided it wasn't worth it to make myself so sick and waste the time I had left. I would rather feel good and do what I want to do. All I was doing with the chemowas squandering the healthy time I had left to prolong the time I would be in pain and feeling bad. I have chosen to live well in the time I have left and hope the end will be fast."

He leaned back in his chair and studied her. Then he shifted his gaze to his partner. "How long have you known?"

"Emily told me maybe two weeks ago."

"And you didn't tell me..."

"Because Emily asked me not to."

He looked back at Emily. "I don't want pity."

He frowned. "You think I would pity you?"

"Listen to me. This has been a wonderful visit. There have been no awkward silences or uncomfortable moments. That's what I wanted to avoid. You treated me the same way you did in Colorado, and that was what I wanted from you. I don't want to be treated with kid gloves. I want you to remember this visit fondly, the way I will, without an ominous cloud hanging over it. I didn't want to tell you...but Alex said it was best if we did. She wanted you to hear it from me, now, before I leave, rather than from her in six months after I die."

He looked at Eames, then back at Emily. He shifted back to Eames. "Why did you invite her to visit?"

"Because I wanted to meet her, just like I told you. I didn't know she was sick when I invited her."

Again, his gaze shifted back and forth. He had no idea even how to process what he'd just been told. Emily reached toward him, taking his hand. "I've come to terms with this. I've had a good life. You don't mourn a life well-lived, Bobby. I want you both to remember me with a smile."

He looked back and forth from one to the other, pulling away from her. "You should have told me. One of you should have told me." He slammed his hand on the table and got up.

"Bobby.."

He held up a hand. "No, Eames. I...I need to think."

He crossed the apartment and left, slamming the door. Eames shook her head; Emily frowned. "Where is he going?"

"He'll walk around for a little while, and then he'll call Mike."

"Why Mike?"

"Because Mike can give him the one thing I will never be able to."

She got up and went into the kitchen to clean up. Emily followed her to help. "What's that?"

"Another guy's opinion."

"Ah... Will he be okay?"

"Eventually. Bobby doesn't handle loss well."

"So I gathered."

Eames kept her attention focued on the dishes in the sink so Emily wouldn't see the tears that welled up in her eyes...tears she would only let Bobby see.

---------------------------------------------------

Logan climbed onto a barstool and signaled for a drink. "Ok, I'm here. What the hell is going on?"

"Remember I told you I thought something was wrong?"

"Yeah, and I told you it was all in your head."

"You were wrong."

"Oh? So what's up?"

"Um, Emily's dying."

Logan stared at him. "What?"

"She...uh, she doesn't have much time left."

"Is that why Eames invited her? To say good-bye?"

"No. Eames didn't know. She just wanted to meet her. But Emily told her before she came and so Eames was bent on making this a great trip for her."

"And part of that...was you?"

"I guess."

"I don't get it."

"You think I do?"

Logan watched him finish off his drink and motion to the bartender. "Bobby, this won't help."

"It'll fuckin' help me."

"It'll get you hung over. Come on, man. Let's go someplace else."

"Mike..."

"You aren't gonna do this to yourself, or to them."

"Them?"

"Come on, genius."

Reluctantly, Goren dropped a few bills on the bar and slammed back his last drink. Then he followed Logan out of the bar.

------------------------------------------

Logan watched him as they headed down the street, trying to gauge how many he'd had before he got there, but he couldn't tell. It was a few, he knew. "So let's start at the top here. Emily's sick?"

Goren nodded. "Cancer."

"And she's dying?"

"Yeah. It's very advanced and it spread. There's no hope."

"So she went hiking?"

"Before she got too sick to manage it, yeah."

"And now?"

"It's progressing quickly."

"How much longer does she have?"

"A few months, at most. Probably less."

"And that's why Eames has been throwing you at her?"

"I don't know! I haven't talked to Eames yet. I just...had to get out of there."

"It's not contagious, you know."

He ducked when Goren swung an arm at him. "I know that. I, uh, I was mad and I needed to get away."

"Mad at who?"

"At them, for not telling me."

"Why should they have?"

That stopped him. Actually, he didn't have any right to be told. Granted, he felt they _should_ have told him, but that didn't necessarily translate to they _had_ to tell him. "I...just think they should have."

"Because you don't like being left in the dark. _That's_ why you got mad." He sighed. "Let's go back to Colorado. What happened there? Really. Because she's in love with you, Bobby. She all but admitted that much. What about you? And don't cop out of it by saying you're in love with Eames. I know that. And I know you care about Emily. That's obvious. Is there anything else?"

"There can't be."

"That wasn't my damn question."

Goren was quiet for another half a block. "Ok, yeah...I...I fell for her. But..."

"No buts. You answered my question. How far'd you get with her?"

"Not far. She...she knew how I felt about Alex. She stopped me before I had a chance to go far...every time."

"Because she didn't want you, or because she knew she was dying?"

"I don't know."

"If she'd given you the green light, would _you_ have hit the brakes? Be honest with me."

"I...uh, no. N-no, I wouldn't have."

"Then you came back home and worked it out with Alex...but you still thought about her, and you called her...couldn't let her go. Right?"

"Yeah."

"And since she's been here? Is the attraction still there?"

"Yeah, it is."

"And that's why you've been hanging around at work while your partner's off. Why you spent the weekend with me instead of with them."

"What else was I supposed to do? I was just biding my time until she goes home and then it'd be okay."

"But now...that's changed?"

"No. But...I...shit, man, she's dying."

Logan was getting annoyed. "So what do you want? A pity fuck?"

Logan never saw it coming. Goren hit him, hard, and he hit the ground. He looked up at him. "Ok, that was stupid." He wiped the blood from his mouth. "Sorry. I'll take that as a no."

"I will not risk losing Eames for anyone. Don't ever forget that again."

"Ok, I get it." He got up from the ground. They continued down the street. He watched Goren clench and unclench his fists. "Calm down. She's probably not up to having sex any more anyway. She's leaving when? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Her flight leaves at four."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Take tomorrow off."

"And?"

"Spend it with her and Eames."

Logan sighed. "Um, call us and let us have lunch with you. You know, so Barek and I can say good-bye."

"Yeah, ok. I, um, I'm going home."

"Want me to walk with you?"

"No. Go on home. Thanks for coming and for talking to me."

"Sure. But next time I say something stupid, don't punch me."

"I...sorry. But you were out of line."

"I live outside the line, man. That's how I ended up on Staten Island for ten years."

Goren lightly punched his shoulder. "Good night, Mike."

Logan watched him cross the street and turn the corner. He wasn't sure he'd helped matters any, but with Goren, you never knew.


	16. Troubled Introspection

He didn't go right home. He couldn't shake the anger. Why hadn't they told him? Eames knew better. Damn! She _knew_ better.

He let his mind wander, which he had learned was the best way for him to deal with something he didn't want to deal with. First, he thought about Emily. His mind traveled over the brief time he had known her...and he analyzed his attraction to her. She was small and muscular, beautiful...very much...like Eames. Tough, smart, pretty...again...just like...Eames. Oh_...shit..._ He had to sit down, so he sat on the front steps of an old apartment building he was passing. Of course, Emily was her own person. She was genuine and sweet. She had helped him when he really needed help, and made him keep focused when he wanted to forget. He could easily have lost himself in her arms...why? Because the real love of his life had gone and he was hurting. So...his attraction to her was a reflection of his deeper attraction to Eames, even though he had come to honestly like her. Ok, yeah, he fell for her...but...no... he fell..._for Eames_. Emily was a substitution. He buried his face in his hands. He had used her. _Fuck_...he was no better than his old man. How could he have allowed himself to do that. Had his pain at the thought of losing Alex turned him into such a monster? More importantly, what did he do about it now? Apologize? Explain? No. He wasn't going to do either. She was dying. Why cause her more pain by letting her know just how much of an ass he was? Let her die in peace, thinking whatever she would about him. He wasn't going to take that from her. But he was going to find out why she thought he had no right to know how sick she was. That hadn't been fair to him, and he wouldn't be able to let it go until he knew why.

And Eames...Now to her, he would apologize..._and_ explain. Because she already knew how much of an ass he could be, and she loved him anyway. He needed to apologize to her. Why? Because he had always felt he was better than William Goren, and he had stumbled. The fact that he hadn't done anything was irrelevant because he _would_ have...if Emily had not stopped him. And to him that was unforgivable. He should fucking well be able to put the brakes on his own damn body. And the fact that he had failed so miserably began to eat at him. No better than his father... He got to his feet and began walking again. He found another bar and stopped in for a few more drinks...just to ease the pain.

------------------------------------------------------

He tried to be quiet as he came into the apartment. He wasn't sure how successful he was, but he tried. He saw the form on the couch and lumbered over to it. Swaying slightly, he studied her as she slept. Honey-brown hair framed her lovely face, which was softened by her slumber. It gave no indication of the disease that ravaged her body, robbing her of her health but not her spirit. He sighed softly, moving away.

He headed down the hall toward the bedroom. Opening the door, he stumbled slightly, knocking it into the wall. "Shhhh..." he whispered to the door.

She turned over and sighed in her sleep. She didn't sit up or say anything, so he continued into the room. Trying to keep his balance as he undressed was a challenge he was not up to. He gave up trying before he woke her and leaned against the wall. Finally, he made it to the bed, sitting as lightly as he could. He put his face in his hands. He had really screwed up, and he could only hope she would forgive him...again. He wondered vaguely how much forgiveness she had in her, knowing that however much it was, he was certainly going to tax it.

When hands came to rest on his bare back, he nearly fell off the bed. Her chin came to rest lightly on his shoulder and her voice whispered past his ear. "Are you okay?"

He considered lying for a fraction of a second, but figured that would only get him deeper into trouble and he wasn't sure how deep he was to begin with. "No."

"I am so sorry."

"You? What are you sorry for?"

"I should have told you."

'That's true. But that's nothing compared to what I did to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not in any shape to talk about it now. Go back to sleep, Eames."

"Bobby..."

"Not now. Good night."

She kissed his neck softly...and he groaned. "Please...don't..."

She sighed and he felt an electric charge jolt through him as her breath caressed his neck. He swallowed as she whispered, "I am sorry we did this to you."

"Go to sleep, or I'll go over to Mike's."

She pressed her head against the back of his neck, her fingers trailing lightly from his shoulders to his waist. "Fine," she finally said. "But you aren't going to run away any more. Got it?"

He nodded. "I got it."

She leaned over his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Then she was gone, back to her side of the bed. "Eames?"

"What?"

"I do love you."

"I know you do. I love you, too."

He wasn't sure how she could love him, but she did. And for that, he was eternally grateful. Turning, he looked at her. She had turned her back to him, not that he blamed her. He slid into the bed, settling onto the pillow as the bed tilted and spun. Thank God he didn't get motion-sick. He turned onto his side and slid his arms around her. She sighed and settled into his arms, nestling back against his chest. Content, he sighed softly, burying his face in her hair and enjoying her closeness.

She knew when he had drifted off. His arms loosened their hold, although they stayed wrapped around her. She could smell the liquor on his breath as it caressed her neck and shoulder, and she hated that they had upset him so. Lightly, she stroked his arms, knowing she wasn't going to waken him now. She knew how sensitive he was about things, and she should have tried to get that across to Emily sooner. But she had been so wrapped up in trying to make this, the last trip Emily would ever take, a memorable one, she had failed to take into account her partner's feelings. What had she done to him? He had been so...off-balance over the past week she wasn't sure how long it was going to take him to get his bearings back. At the very least, she should have prepared him. That look in his eyes...she knew right then she had done the wrong thing in letting Emily have her way as long as she had. Granted, Emily had no idea what waiting would do, but she had, and it was inexcusable that she had let her wait. She felt it was Emily's place to tell him, and she should have pressed her to get it done that first night. But Emily was afraid that he would feel sorry for her, that he would treat her differently. She wanted him to be relaxed, to see him smile without the specter of her illness clouding his face. And it would have. That much she did know. Past a certain point, Bobby couldn't hide his pain. And he cared enough about Emily that he wouldn't be able to hide that pain. All she could do now was hope she would be able to salvage their relationship. She knew she screwed up and she hoped he could forgive her.

He shifted in his sleep, tightening his arms around her and nuzzling his face closer. She sighed. This was one place she always loved to be, in his arms. Here she felt safe and protected. Here was the only place she let him take care of her without argument. And it was only here she let go of her tough, seasoned shell and let him see her vulnerability. She could cry when she hurt and love him without restraint. She could be soft and gentle and...fully human. No pretenses, no judgment. She loved him all the more for being that one person in the world with whom she could just be Alex. Not Detective Eames, not Aunt Alex, not sister, or daughter, or partner, or anything else. Just _his_ Alex. And that was the person she most loved to be.


	17. Going Home Again

Emily looked across the table at Eames as they ate breakfast. "Did Bobby come home last night?"

"Yes. He's still sleeping."

"Is he all right?"

"Yes."

"How was he feeling?"

"Well, when he got home he was feeling no pain, but I imagine he'll feel plenty when he gets up."

"I guess I should have told him sooner."

Alex bit her tongue to keep from saying 'I told you so.' She just nodded. "Yes, that would have been better."

"Can you understand why I waited?"

"Not really."

She sighed. "Whenever I tell people, they get all...weird. They act like I'm made of china and I'll break if they look at me too hard. He wasn't like that in Colorado, and I didn't want that to change."

"I haven't treated you like china. He wouldn't have either. And he would have had time to adjust. I mean, he would have understood why you didn't tell him in Colorado, and why you didn't tell him over the phone. But he can't understand why you waited now. Bobby is not like everyone else you know. He...marches to the beat of his own drummer, and he has his own ideas about things. He will never be okay with this, but he'll adjust. You have to give him time, and that was something you haven't done."

"I owe him a big apology, then. I am...sorry I didn't listen to you. You know him better than I ever will. There's just no easy way to deal with this, and I really didn't want to tell him at all."

"Do you think it would have been better for him if your calls suddenly stopped and he heard it from me?"

"Do you?"

Eames laughed. "No, Emily. First, he would have blamed himself for doing something wrong to make you stop calling. And then, after he found out, he would have taken it all out on me. This way we can share the anger, at least for a little while."

"Is he going to continue to take it out on you?"

"Maybe for a little while. Don't worry about that. I can handle Bobby."

A voice from the hallway startled them. "Handle me how, Eames?"

He came into the living room and looked at them. His hair was disheveled and he looked tired. He'd pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an NYPD t-shirt. Eames smiled at him. "Handle you in any way you need me to."

He gave her a small smile. "Then I'm in good hands."

"Are you ok?"

"I guess."

He went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. The two women watched him walk to the table and join them. "Are you hungry?" Eames asked.

He shook his head and winced. "No, thanks. Uh, I promised Mike that we'd join him and Carolyn for lunch, so they could say good-bye."

"Did you tell Mike?"

"Yes. I guess he'll tell Carolyn."

"She already knows," Emily said and Eames winced.

Goren frowned darkly, looking from Emily to Eames. "Who told her?"

Eames answered, "I did, the night we had dinner with them, while you were dancing with Emily."

"So you told Barek, but you didn't think I needed to know?"

"Bobby..."

"Forget it, Eames. Just forget it."

He got up and headed back to the bedroom. Eames started to get up, but Emily held up her hand. "Do you mind if I talk to him?"

"Be my guest."

She hesitated. "Why don't you chase him out here? I would not be comfortable at all talking to him back there."

Eames smiled at her. "I'll see what I can do."

She headed down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door as she opened it. She slipped into the room. He was standing by the window, one hand on the wall beside it, looking out into the neighborhood below. There were kids running up and down the street, laughing and playing as their summer vacation wound down. She closed the door softly and watched him for a moment. "I know I screwed up big, Bobby, and that I hurt you. I should have at least prepared you. I...I let you down, and I feel terrible about it. I...screwed up in so many ways, and none of them were fair to you. I just hope you can..."

She stopped before her voice broke, but he heard it. That was one thing he simply couldn't take...when she was upset. He turned and didn't hesitate to cross the room toward her, stopping to tip his head and catch her eye. She tried to turn away, so he wouldn't see the tears that had welled up in her eyes, not yet. But he touched her chin and guided her face back toward his. She swallowed hard and finished, "I hope you can forgive me."

He pulled her into his arms and held her. "I am such an ass," he said softly. She shook her head against his chest, but he placed a hand on her head to hold it still. "Just take my word for it right now."

She held him for a few more minutes, then said, "Emily wants to talk to you."

He sighed again. Resting two fingers under her chin, he tipped her face up toward his and kissed her. "We'll talk later," he promised.

Emily looked up as he came down the hall. He stopped at the end of the hallway and leaned against the wall. She studied him. "Alex told me to tell you the day I got here. But I wasn't sure I even wanted you to know. She's been trying to get me to say something all week. Don't blame her, please."

"I do blame her, but she and I will hash that out later. What I want to know is why? Why would you not want me to know?"

"Because I really like you, Bobby. I don't want you feeling sorry for me, and after what you've been through, I was hesitant to cause you more pain."

"Well, that didn't work, and now I'm pissed at Alex, too."

"Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"No."

At least he was honest. "I can accept that. I wish you wouldn't be mad at her though. It was my fault."

"She has her own mind and she knows me. You didn't gag her. She chose to keep quiet. But this isn't about her. This is about you."

"Looks like there was no easy way to tell you, huh?"

"The only thing you're getting out of this is that you only have to deal with me for half a day now, instead of the full week. The difference is, a week ago, I would only have been upset. I would not have expected you to tell me when we were in the mountains and certainly not over the phone. But I would have expected you to say something the day you got here. Yet you waited until the night before you leave. Why? So you don't have to face me? So you don't have to see that it hurts me? That's the coward's way out, Emily, and I never got the impression you were a coward." He sighed. "I made a huge mistake and I have to make that up to Alex. If I caused you any distress, I'm sorry. And it does hurt me to know you are so sick. I will get over it, but that's not gonna happen today."

"I understand that."

"Good." He turned and headed back to the bedroom. Eames looked up when he came in and he sat down on the bed beside her. He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. "Headache?" Eames asked.

"Don't start. I know I deserve it."

"I wasn't going to say that."

"You don't have to. I already did."

She rested her hand on the back of his head and gently ran her fingers through his hair. She kissed his temple. "When are we supposed to meet Mike and Carolyn?"

"Call him."

"Why don't you lay down and go back to sleep for a while? I'll get you up in time to shower and dress. Did you let Deakins know you weren't coming in?"

He nodded. "I called him when I woke up."

She reached over and turned his face toward her. "Go back to sleep, Bobby."

She rested her lips against his, letting him do what he would with the kiss. She could tell he wasn't feeling well. Lightly, she stroked his cheek before she gently pushed him down on the bed. She sat close to him, running her fingers lightly along the side of his face, pausing to rub small circles into his temples. He didn't object, and she watched his eyes slowly close. Kissing his forehead, she left the room to let him sleep.

--------------------------------------------------

Logan stood up when he saw them approach. Eames frowned at him."What the hell happened to you?"

Logan fingered his sore jaw and glanced at Goren. "You know how I'm always sticking my foot in my mouth? I just shoved a little too hard this time. It's not a big deal."

"Pretty."

He looked at Emily. "You feeling okay?"

"Yes, thanks."

They took their seats and waited for the waitress to take their orders. Logan looked around the table. Goren was too interested in his hands, and Eames and Emily were oddly quiet. He looked at Barek, who shrugged. "Something wrong?" she asked.

Goren looked at her. "Same old shit," he muttered.

Logan had been drinking with Goren often enough to recognize his hangover. "Let me guess...you didn't go home after you left me, did you?" He shook his head, and Logan chuckled. "No wonder you're looking a little green."

"Shut up, Logan."

"Cranky, too."

Barek elbowed her partner. "You'd better shut up unless you want matching bruises."

Goren shook his head. "I won't hit him again. I shouldn't have hit him in the first place."

Emily looked confused. "You hit Mike?"

Logan waved a hand. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I deserved it."

Eames reach her hand over to rest on Goren's thigh and he looked at her. She was having trouble telling exactly what was going on with him. She knew he was mad at her, but he seemed angry at himself as well, and that she didn't understand at all. She let her fingers trail along the seam of his jeans until his hand came to close over her fingers. He slid his hand into her palm and interlaced his fingers with hers. She squeezed and was pleased when he squeezed back.

--------------------------------------------

Logan and Barek took a long lunch, but eventually they had to return to the squad room. And it was time to go to the airport.

Emily leaned forward from the back seat. "Bobby?" He looked at her over his shoulder. She sighed. "I really am sorry."

"I know."

"Does it matter?"

"It matters."

She rested her hand on his shoulder and he covered it with his. "Still mad?" she asked.

"Yes. But I'll get over it."

"Good. So you'll still talk to me when I call?"

"If Alex will let me get a word in edgewise, I will."

Eames just smiled. "Maybe I'll let you say hello."

"It's something," he said with a small smile.

Eames parked the SUV in the short term parking garage and Goren got Emily's bag from the back of the vehicle. They headed into the airport where she checked in. With their badges, they got her quickly through the security checkpoint and were able to walk with her to the boarding area, so they could wait with her.

Eames sat beside her while her partner wandered the area. Emily watched him. "What is he doing?"

"Just being a cop," she answered, also watching him. "He's always like that. He just... observes."

"Alex?" She looked at her. "Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah, he will."

"Are you mad, too?"

"No, Emily. I'm not mad. I get that you were concerned about hurting him and you didn't have any idea how to handle him. Not many people do. I can only think of three."

"Besides you, who?"

"Mike and Bobby's friend Lewis."

Emily nodded. "He's complicated."

"You have no idea."

Eames watched him wander, seeing the familiar restless energy he could never seem to fully burn off. A half hour before it was time for the plane to board, he returned to join them, sitting beside Eames and leaning forward, arms resting on his legs, so that he could see them both. "So, counsellor, what happens when you go home?"

"I have one more case to prosecute, then I am done. I've sold my house and I close on that next week. I'm putting the money into a trust fund for my niece."

"Where are you going to live?"

"Since I have no one to care for me at home, I have a room at a hospice. That's where I'll be going."

Goren got up and wandered over to the floor to ceiling window banks to watch the planes. "Let him be," Eames said quietly. After a moment, she asked, "What's the hospice like?"

"It's nice...like a home away from home. I'll get the care I need according to my wishes. I'll be all right, Alex. I've made my peace with this." She glanced at Goren. "Will you...?"

Eames nodded. "I always do. Don't worry about him. He'll deal with it, and he'll be okay."

"You'll call me?"

"Of course I will."

Emily sat quietly watching the big man trolling back and forth in front of the windows. "I'm glad I met him."

Eames smiled. "Few people say that," she said with a soft laugh.

"I'm also glad he has you, and I hope you come to realize how much he does love you."

She looked toward him. "I have an idea."

The flight's pre-boarding announcement came over the loudspeakers, followed fifteen minutes later by the boarding announcement. Goren came back over from the windows as Emily stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder. She hugged Eames. "Thank you for a wonderful visit, Alex. I'm glad I came."

"So am I," Eames answered. "And I'm glad you had a good time. I know I did."

Emily turned to Goren, and he gave her a warm hug. Stepping back, she said, "I know I don't have much time left, but I will think about you every day."

"I know I don't have to tell you to hang in there. You will, and when you're ready, you'll let go. Good-bye, counsellor."

He leaned down and softly kissed her. She touched his cheek and smiled at him. "Good-bye, detective. Take care of Alex."

"I always do."

They watched her head for the gate and disappear through the doorway. He looked down at his partner. "I'll make you dinner."

"Are you sure you feel up to that?"

He shrugged as they left the boarding area. "What do you want?"

"Chicken?"

"Fine by me."

"We need to talk."

"We will. I...I've been a real ass, Alex, and I'm sorry."

"I really don't understand that, Bobby. I don't see it."

"You will. I'll explain."

"That should be interesting."

He frowned. "That's not what I'd call it."

"We'll work it out."

"I hope so." He wasn't so sure. He needed for Alex to forgive him, but when she saw how much like his father he seemed to be, he was not at all certain she'd be able to.


	18. Losing Her Temper

Eames watched him as he worked in the kitchen. Knowing he liked to work alone, she normally interfered with everything he did, just to tease and annoy him, but not tonight. Tonight, she was worried about his state of mind. He wouldn't settled into an easy banter with her when she tried to draw him in. He was distracted and moody. So she simply let him be, because that was what he seemed to want.

He was almost done with dinner, and he wondered why Eames had not made her requisite thirty trips to the sink for a drink of water. He was afraid she was mad at him, and he wouldn't blame her. Maybe she had figured out what he'd done and that was why she was keeping her distance. Well, he would be finding out before long, and he was getting more nervous about it. He burned his hand three times and that just pissed him off. He tried to calm himself down, but it just wasn't working. _Shit_.

"I'm done," he finally announced, getting out the plates. He dished out the dinner and set the plates on the table. Getting a wine cooler for her, he got himself a glass of water. Then he sat down across from her, but he really had no appetite. He doubted it had much to do with the remnants of his hangover, either.

She watched him push his food around his plate for nearly ten minutes. Finally, she pushed her plate away and got up. "Come with me," she said.

"What?"

"Just get your ass up and come over here."

Sighing heavily, he did as she asked. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the couch beside her. "Now talk," she said. "How the hell have you been an ass? I absolutely did not pick up on that, so I have no idea where you're coming from."

He looked at his hands; he refused to look at her. "I'm not sure how to tell you this."

"It's generally best if you just say it."

He shifted his position, still focused on his hands. "I guess there's no escaping where we come from, is there?"

"Keep going."

"I...I used to think I was better than he was...but I...I'm not. Not at all."

"Better than who, Bobby?"

"My father."

She sat there for a long minute, silent. He hazarded a glance at her, but only saw confusion on her face. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"I...did some thinking last night." Eames groaned inwardly. That was often not a good thing. He continued, "I realized...something. I, uh, I told Mike that I...fell for Emily. I w-was attracted to her, and I couldn't...shake it. That I..." This was harder than he thought it would be, even though he was uncomfortably aware that she knew about at least some of this. "Well, anyway, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't Emily I fell for. That my attraction...was a s-substitution. I used her, Alex. I fucking used her. And I feel like shit for it. But even worse, dammit, I betrayed you. And I don't know what to do about it."

She just stared at him. He still wouldn't look at her. Finally, she said, "What the hell are you talking about?" That made him look at her. Couldn't she see it? She was frowning. "How did you use her?"

"I...I thought I'd lost you...and she reminded me so damn much of you. So I substituted her for you. I never wanted her and I never loved her...it was all _you_. But I was too damn messed up to even see it. I...I do care about her...and I like her. But...all I wanted was you. That wasn't fair to her." He ran his hand over his hair in frustration. "That was shit my dad used to do. Mom would be too sick for anything, and so he'd find it...s-somewhere else. Then he'd come home...and she always knew. Hell, _I_ always knew. I...I'm no better."

"Tell me how you're no better than he was."

"It's right in front of you, Eames." She grabbed his arm to keep him beside her on the couch. He fidgeted restlessly, but he stayed. "I couldn't have you, so I used her. And then...I threw it in your face. Just like he would have."

"Threw it in my face? How? By working when you could have taken off to spend time with her? By nearly freaking out because I asked you to dance with her? By hanging out with Mike when you weren't at work? How was that throwing anything in my face, Bobby? And I don't think you used her. More importantly, neither does she. Why the hell do you think she stopped you whenever you wanted to go further with her? You know, I really wanted to kick Logan's ass for not calling me that night you guys went out."

Goren shook his head in confusion. "Eames, you're killing me here. I royally screwed up...and you're mad at _Logan_?"

"Bobby, you didn't screw up. I suppose you could twist things around and make yourself think you used Emily, which you seem to have done admirably well, but...did you intend to use her?"

"No. Of course not."

"Were you trying to flaunt anything in front of me?"

"No. Not at all."

"So then tell me...how are you like your father?"

He was quiet, thinking. Then he looked at her. "Ok, Eames...I am really confused here. I...I did _something_ wrong. I had a clear handle on it when I sat down here, but that seems to have slipped away from me now..."

"Because you _didn't_ do anything wrong, you idiot."

He shook his head in denial. "I...no, I _did_."

"Ok, I'll give you a bone here. You did do something wrong. You misinterpreted what I said and ran off to Colorado instead of asking me about it." She smacked him in the back of the head. "Idiot. _That's_ what you did wrong. Everything that came after was Logan's fault, and mine."

He rubbed his hands over his face and held his head. Then he looked at her. "You and Logan?"

"Yes. Me for not realizing how you would take what I said...and for wording it that way in the first place, for forgetting, just for a minute, that you can't really read my mind. And Logan, for not realizing that you weren't just blowing off steam...that you really did think I was leaving you...and then not calling me about it. We let you down, Bobby. Not the other way around. And then I didn't tell you about Emily, or even prepare you for the news. This is all sitting in my lap, Goren."

This time he got up from the couch and she didn't stop him. He paced around the living room. "I was in love with you...and I turned to someone else..."

"Because you thought I was walking away..."

"That's beside the point!"

She felt her hold on her temper snap. "Why? Because you should have known? Known what, Bobby? You think I planned all this? Or do you think for a minute that I believe you did it all intentionally? Fuck that, Goren! I know you better. You are not like your father at all. Look at you...you operate on guilt, Bobby! From what you've always said about your father, he wouldn't know guilt if it came up and bit him on the ass!" She got up and approached him, furious. She hit him square in the chest with both hands and shoved, hard. He stumbled into the wall. "You care! You son of a bitch...you care about me...about Emily...about how we feel...about hurting us...! When did your damn father care about anyone but himself?" She was as close to in his face as she could get with the thirteen-inch difference in their heights. He tried backing away, but he didn't get far. She hit him again with both hands, but when he stumbled backwards, she caught his heel with hers and he went down. She straddled him, hands planted firmly on his chest. "You are nothing like your father, you stupid moose. Nothing. You fell into these circumstances and shit happened. But it's nothing that's beyond repair, unless you want it to be. Do you understand me?"

He just stared at her again. He tried to say something, but words failed him. So he nodded mutely. She sat on his stomach and waited for him to recover. Finally, he said, "Next time I forget you can take care of yourself, remind me about this, will you?"

She sighed. "Have I made myself clear, Goren?"

"Crystal."

"Good. Now listen to what I have to say."

He watched her face, bringing his hands up to rest on her hips as she began, "I agree you aren't blameless...but you were more caught up in circumstance than anything else. And I can't blame you for that." His hands tightened on her hips. "But I made a conscious decision, Bobby. I chose not to tell you, to let her decide the time, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. I set you up..." His hands trailed upward, sliding under her shirt. She pushed them down. "Would you cut that out and listen to me?"

"I'm listening."

"I set you up to be hurt...and I'm sorry. You were right. I should have told you." She pushed his hands down again. "Would you rein it in for a minute, dammit, and let me apologize here?"

"You did. I heard you say you're sorry and I'm fine with it." His hands began to roam again. She started to get up, but he held her down. "Wait a minute. You got me into this position and plopped yourself down on top of me. Now I want you to stay."

"You idiot, let me up..."

"No. I kinda like this. Now I know what it's like to get my ass kicked by you...and I kinda like it."

She just looked at him. "You mean I actually got through to you?"

"I'd say so."

"So...in order to get you to listen to me, I have to knock you down and sit on you?"

"That works for me."

"Goren, you're an idiot."

"If you say so, Eames." He gently stroked the soft skin under her shirt. "So, I guess this means we're okay?"

"Like you said, we were never not okay. You just thought we weren't. You need to stop thinking."

"You know me...I don't stop thinking..."

She leaned down toward him, stopping when her face was just inches from his. She shifted her hips, slid one hand into his hair and whispered, "I'll bet I can make you stop thinking."

He swallowed, eyeing her face but distracted by her hips. "I, um...I'll take that bet."

She closed the distance between their lips and succeeded in shutting down his mind.


	19. A Complicated Man

_Four months later..._

Eames watched her partner pacing in the waiting area at the gate. They were waiting for the boarding announcment for the flight to Texas. He'd been restless and out of sorts all day, but she understood why. Bobby hated to say good-bye. Loss was one thing he never handled well. But this was one loss he did not have to handle alone, one burden whose weight he could share...if he chose to.

The pre-boarding call went out and he stopped by the windows to watch the activity surrounding the plane outside. She walked up behind him, hesitating for a moment before stepping to his side. Reaching out, she unbuttoned his jacket so she could slide her arm around his waist beneath it. His overcoat was draped over his other arm. She rested her head against him and looked out the window at the light dusting of snow that covered the airfield. She felt him press his lips against her head. Softly, he murmured, "I love you."

That was unexpected. She looked up at him. He brought his hand up, lightly running two fingers along her jaw. "I...I'm sorry if I've been ignoring you."

"You've been preoccupied."

"No excuse."

She smiled. "It's okay, Bobby. I understand."

"Thank you."

She rested her head against his chest. "I love you, too," she said.

Another kiss on her head and his arm tightened around her. When the call to board came over the loudspeaker, she stepped from his side, turning to face him. Rebuttoning his jacket, she straightened his tie and smiled at him. He kissed her lightly and they crossed the lounge to board their plane.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eames was at a loss. She knew he was hurting, but she didn't know what she could do to help him. As restless as he'd been all night as well as at the gate waiting to board, now he was quiet. Very quiet. She didn't like it when he was so still. It was never a good thing...not when it followed such periods of intense activity. All night long, he'd paced his way around the apartment. She wanted to keep him company, but he had turned into himself and she had not had much success in drawing him out. He was a little better at the boarding gate; at least he'd talked to her. She had been dreading this day, though she knew it was going to come. She hated anything that caused her gentle partner pain. The fact that it caused her pain, too, was secondary.

She watched him stare out the window, knowing he was not seeing the cloud bank that stretched beyond the plane as far as they could see. She gently fingered the hair that curled at the back of his neck. She could feel his body tremble and he turned toward her. She smiled. "Nervous?"

"No."

"Then what?"

He rested his head against the back of his seat. "I don't know."

"You can't be surprised. You've been talking to her..."

He shook his head. "Please, Eames...I don't want to talk about it right now."

"You've been saying that for the last day and a half. We have to talk about it."

"Why? What is that going to solve?"

"Well, for one thing, it will help me get a grasp on what's going on in that head of yours because right now, I don't have the foggiest notion. And for another, maybe it will help me come to terms with it myself. Do you think this is easy for me? Did it occur to you that maybe _I_ need to talk about it?"

He frowned. How could he have been so selfish, thinking only of how he felt and not considering that she might be having trouble with the same emotions? "I...I'm sorry. I...didn't..."

He sighed softly and closed his eyes. When she touched his cheek, he opened them and said,"That was selfish of me, and I'm sorry. If you want to talk, then we should."

She placed a hand over his. "I think we need to, before we get there." She could feel his apprehension and she squeezed his hand. "Bobby, you know she's been getting sicker. You had to hear it in her voice. I know I did."

He nodded. "I heard it."

"So you knew this day was coming...and soon."

Again he nodded. "But...knowing doesn't make it any easier when it happens."

"How often have you been talking to her?"

"About twice a week, I guess. We, uh, didn't usually talk for long. I didn't know what to say. I just...wanted to know how she was feeling." He looked at her. "What about you?"

"Usually on Mondays and Thursdays, and then on the weekends. We talked...alot."

He looked uncomfortable. "About what?"

"A little bit of everything. She was worried about you. She didn't realize what she'd done when she waited so long to tell you she was sick. She thought you might hold it against her. She was relieved that you still took the time to talk to her, that you would accept her calls and even call her on your own."

"I like her. I...I'm not a rude person. I...understand that it was hard for her...to tell me. I don't carry grudges...not against friends."

"I told her that. You've been plenty pissed at me for things, but you've never even tried to cut me out of your life."

"I wouldn't do that. I-I couldn't."

"I know. But she didn't. She loves you, Bobby, but she doesn't know you well."

He sighed. She leaned closer and rested her head on his shoulder, holding his hand in both of hers. He reached over with his other hand and lightly stroked her hair, pressing his lips against her head. "Are you sure you don't think I was an ass to either of you?"

"For the hundredth time, Goren, you were never an ass. Are you trying to piss me off again? Because I don't particularly like being mad at you."

"No, no, I don't like it either."

"If you want to play tackle, just say so. If you piss me off, I'm likely to hurt you, even if I don't intend to."

"Hurt me? I don't..."

"You don't think I could hurt you? Think again, mister. You've seen me take suspects down."

He leaned his head forward to catch her eyes. "You would do that?"

"If I was mad enough, I might."

"Thanks for the warning. I'll remember that."

She closed the distance between her face and his and lightly kissed him. "Relax. I'm not out to hurt you."

She returned her head to his arm as he whispered, "I know."

She was quiet for a few moments. "How are you going to handle this?"

"I don't know."

"Did she tell you anything about what's happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cancer is very hard on the body, Bobby...all that pain. And she hasn't had any treatment for it. She's lost a lot of weight."

"From where? There wasn't much to her to start with."

She sighed. "You need to try to prepare yourself. She will not look the same. She's a ghost of her former self, literally."

He frowned. He'd never lost anyone to cancer. Of course he knew all about it, the way it ravaged the body, the pain it caused. But he had no first-hand experience with it. He was half-tempted to stay at the hotel, but he wouldn't do that to Eames. He turned his face back toward the window, and she let him withdraw. But her head stayed resting against his arm and she kept her grip on his hand. She was so tired, after spending most of the night watching him pace from room to room. She sighed softly and let herself sleep, resting comfortably against him.

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When she woke, it took a moment for her to realize where she was. The armrest between them had been folded up, and a blanket had been laid over her. Her head was resting against his left arm and her upper body was across his lap. His right arm was draped over her waist. She rolled toward him, looking up at his face. He had also dozed off, she was glad to see. She snuggled back into his lap and returned to sleep.

He woke her gently. She looked up at him. "We're landing," he said softly.

She nodded, reluctantly leaving the safety and comfort of his lap. Adjusting her seat and fastening her seatbelt, she looked at him. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." He closed his hand over hers. As long as he had her, there was nothing he couldn't handle. Leaning his forehead against the glass, he watched as Austin got closer and closer. He held firmly to her hand and sighed.

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They retrieved their luggage, rented a car and headed toward the downtown area of the city. On the recommendation of a hospice volunteer she'd talked to, Eames had reserved them a room on Town Lake. She knew how much Bobby loved to be near the water. She thought it might offer him some solace.

Looking out the window over the lake, he pressed his head against the glass, watching as day faded to twilight. He sighed softly when her arms slid around his waist and she rested her head against his back. "Did...did you call?"

"Yes. She's comfortable. I told them we'd be there in the morning."

He nodded, resting his hands on hers. "Um, is she...well, how is she?"

"She had some broth for dinner, but she doesn't have much strength left, not even to talk on the phone." She lightly stroked his abdomen. "Are you hungry?"

He wasn't really, but she wouldn't have asked if she didn't want to eat. "Let's go get something."

She squeezed his waist and stepped away from him. He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair, waited for her to get her jacket and followed her from the room.

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After dinner, at her suggestion, they walked along the lake. Even though it was December, it was almost fifty degrees, as opposed to the thirty degree, snowyweather they'd left in New York. He had not said much during the meal and, even now, they walked in silence. She glanced up at him. He was looking out toward the water, deep in thought. She slid her hand lightly into his. Absently, he closed his fingers around hers, but his eyes remained on the water.

Gently, she tugged on his hand to get his attention. He looked at her. She squeezed his hand. "What are you thinking about?"

"Tomorrow."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Apprehensive. I...uh, I don't know what to expect."

"I don't either, but this is still Emily."

"'A ghost of her former self.'"

"She's dying, Bobby."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "I know," he said quietly.

"And how do you feel about that?"

He stopped. She turned to face him as he said, "How do I feel about it? What kind of question is that?"

"It's a question I want an honest answer to."

"Look, I'm tired..."

"Oh, no you don't. You are not doing this to me again. I want to know how you feel."

He pulled away from her and crossed the grass to the water's edge. He squatted down by the water and closed his eyes. She remained on the path and watched him. Time, she would give him. All night if he wanted to sit by the water until dawn. But she wanted an answer from him. So she waited.

Finally, he stood up and returned to the path. He pulled her into his arms and held her. Quietly, he said, "I think this is going to be incredibly hard for me. I know I really screwed up, Alex, but when I look at her, I see you...and I think this is going to tear me up. I _know_ she's not you. I know that I'll still be able to hold you, and be with you, and love you...but I still can't help comparing her to you. God help me, but that's how I was able to get past losing you." His arms tightened as he pulled her closer. "Forgive me for being a bastard, but I can't see her without seeing you." He rested his head on hers and took an uneven breath, but he didn't say any more. Several minutes passed before he finally said, "It will hurt for me to see her...suffering. She's a good woman and I like her. I get that. But seeing what I see in her..." He shook his head. "That I'd never survive."

She remained in his arms, with her head resting on his chest, listening to his heart beat through his shirt and suit jacket. She had no idea that was how he felt. She thought he'd gotten over the feeling that he'd used Emily in order to deal with losing her, and she guessed he had. But in the process of sorting through that, he'd come to realize that he had substituted Emily for her...to keep his sanity. "Bobby..." she started, but she couldn't continue. She didn't know what to say.

"Are you gonna knock me into the lake?"

She laughed softly. "No."

"You wanted to know what I was feeling. So I told you."

"You're right. I asked." She slowly shook her head. "I don't even know what to tell you, Goren. Let's just go to bed and see what happens tomorrow."

He kissed her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She pulled back from his embrace, slipped her hand into his and they started back toward the hotel. Her partner was a complicated man, there was no doubt, but if she tried to figure out what was going through his head tonight, she'd go to bed with a headache. Maybe someday she wouldn't need to ask anymore...but she hoped that day would never come. Then he would become predictable...and that was something she never wanted Goren to be.


	20. Final Goodbyes

**A/N: The hospice I have used here does not actually exist, except for in my mind. James Butler Bonham was one of the heroes of the Alamo, and many places, especially in central Texas, have been named after the Alamo's heroes, particularly Crockett, Travis, Bowie and Bonham. ****Many thanks to The Confused One for her opinion on this chapter.**

* * *

She watched as he finished tying his tie. She liked this particular suit of his and she was glad he'd brought it. His cobalt blue shirt and blue striped tie brought out enough of the blue in the dark suit to show it was not black. She had chosen a hunter green sleeveless dress with a matching jacket. He buttoned his jacket and turned to her, his apprehension clear in his brown eyes. "Ready?" 

"Yes. Are you?"

"Eames, I'll never be ready. I'm not even sure I'm willing. Let's just go."

She laid a hand on his arm and said softly, "I'll be right there with you."

He nodded, lightly kissing her. "I know. And you're the only reason I can do this."

He opened the door and followed her through it.

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It was a nice compound situated just west of the city, beautifully landscaped with many trees and an abundance of sitting areas. A non-descript sign sat near the driveway off the highway: _James B. Bonham Hospice Community_. There were bungalows situated around the property and a main building in the center of the grounds. Eames parked the car and they headed for the main entrance. A tall woman, maybe five inches shorter than Bobby, greeted them in the lobby. She wore a gray business suit and carried herself with confidence. "Welcome to our hospice. My name is Charlotte Sutton. I am the director of the hospice community. How may I help you?"

Eames replied, "We're here to see Emily Tanner. I called last night."

The director's face became serious. "You are Miss Eames?" She looked at Goren. "And Mr. Goren?"

"Yes. We are."

"I will take you to her room myself. She has spent the past few months in one of our bungalows, since she does not have any family to care for her at home. We have ten bungalows for patients who need the care and support of a family but have none of their own. Our volunteers are amazing people; this is a very difficult thing to do, caring for the dying and then saying good-bye."

Softly, Goren said, "I couldn't do it."

Eames gently took his hand and he squeezed it. The director continued, "Emily moved here into the total care wing about two weeks ago, once she became too weak to care for herself." She looked at the two detectives. "Are you prepared for this? Emily...only has hours left."

"Is she conscious?" Eames asked.

"Yes. She asked us to go lightly on the pain medicine until after she saw you."

"Is...is she in much pain?" Goren asked, hesitantly.

Charlotte looked at him. "Yes, Mr. Goren. She is."

She stopped in front of a closed door. "This is her room. Call if you need anything. You may stay as long as you wish, but realize that the end is not far away. If you have never seen a person who has died..."

Eames almost smiled. "We'll be fine, Ms. Sutton. We're police detectives."

"Ah...very well. Have a nice visit."

Goren watched her walk down the hallway. "A nice visit?"

Eames looked up at him. "Would you rather she said 'Have fun'?"

"I don't know what I'd rather, Eames," he whispered hoarsely. "I would rather this had not happened at all. I would almost rather be at a crime scene...anywhere but here."

She looked up at him. "I'm not going to make you do this, Bobby."

He shook his head. "I have to. How could I face myself again if I didn't?"

"Just remember, I'm here."

He kissed her forehead. "I know."

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm ever going to be."

She reached up and gently laid a hand on his cheek. He turned his head to kiss her palm. Then she reached for the doorknob.

The soft hiss of oxygen was the only sound in the room. An IV pole near the bed held an infusion pump. The red number 10 was on the display and red indicator lights ran in a circle to indicate the pump was running. Her eyes were closed and a warm blanket was drawn up to her chest. Her arms were free, resting along her sides. Her body barely made a lump in the bed. Her complexion was pale and sallow, cheeks and eyes sunken. An oxygen cannula rested under her nose. He stopped, and Eames looked up at him. His hand tightened on hers, then he released it. She squeezed his arm and proceeded to the side of the bed. He remained where he was.

Eames walked to the bedside, sliding her hand into Emily's. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "Alex..." she said, her voice barely a whisper. "You came."

"I promised, didn't I?"

"Did...did Bobby come?"

"Yes."

Taking a deep breath, Goren came up on the other side. "Hi, counsellor."

She shifted her eyes to look at him. "Hi, detective. You...wore Armani..."

"You seemed to like it."

She nodded weakly. Her left hand moved in a weak imitation of a pat. "Please...sit...both of you."

They each lightly sat on opposite sides of her. Goren took her other hand. She looked from one to the other. "Thank you..."

Eames' eyes were bright with unshed tears. "We wanted to be here," she said.

Goren reached toward her and lightly smoothed her hair back from her forehead. Her hand moved in his, the closest she could come to squeezing it. "So," she said softly. "How do I look?"

Eames bit her lower lip, but Goren answered, "Beautiful, as always."

"Smooth talker."

"You know it."

Eames watched him. She knew him well enough to see his tension, but he hid it easily from Emily. After years of visiting his mother on a weekly basis, the setting did not disturb him. The spectre of death, however, did. But so far he was doing amazingly well, and when he met her eyes, she gave him a soft, sad smile, which he weakly returned.

Emily tried to take a deep breath which resulted in a deep cough that racked her body. A trickle of blood appeared at the corner of her mouth. Goren reached for the box of tissues in the small basket on the IV pole in front of him and gently wiped the blood from her face. "Sorry," she said. "Every time I cough..."

"It's okay," he answered.

She turned her head to look at Eames. "Such a long way to come..."

Eames smiled. "Not for a friend."

"I wasn't sure I wanted..." She drew a coarse breath. "...you to see me this way."

Goren's face was dark and serious. "No one should..." He had trouble with the next word. "...die alone."

"There are people...here."

"People," Eames said gently. "But not friends."

"No...not like you." She looked at Goren. "No one like you."

His mouth twitched slightly. "You'd have a hunt on your hands to find someone like me."

Emily laughed weakly...another cough. "True," she managed.

Her body was dying, but her spirit was strong and bright. They saw that clearly past the pain in her eyes. She took a few shallow breaths. "I need..to sleep. Don't...leave."

Eames stroked her hand. "We won't. We'll stay right here."

Goren leaned down and lightly kissed her forehead. She smiled as she closed her eyes. He looked at Eames. She reached across the bed to lightly caress his hair. He gave her a soft smile. "Are you okay?" she whispered quietly.

He nodded. "You?"

She hesitated before nodding her head. He took her free hand and kissed it. And they sat quietly as Emily slept.

----------------------------------------------------------------

She woke as the noon hour approached. An orderly brought in a tray with a small bowl of broth and a small container of apple juice. Quietly, he said, "You can try to encourage her to eat. She had a few sips at dinner last night. Whatever she's comfortable with."

"Thanks," Eames replied.

The voices roused Emily. She moved a little, her hands tightening slightly on theirs. "You're still here..."

"Of course we are," Eames answered. "They just brought your lunch. Would you like to try some?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you."

She tried to push herself up on the pillow. The two detectives helped her; Eames raised the head of the bed a little. Emily smiled. "Better."

She seemed a little stronger after her nap. "How are...Mike and Carolyn?" she asked softly.

"Good," Eames answered. "They sent their best."

"No more bruises?"

Eames glanced at her partner. "No. The boys have been behaving."

Emily's smile was weak, but it shone strong in her eyes. Softly, she said, "I know I don't have...much longer...but I'm...ready..." She paused to breathe. "...for the pain to end."

Goren nodded at the IV pump. "Does this help?"

"Yes. It still...hurts...but it's manageable. They could...knock me out...until it's over..." A few more breaths. "But...I didn't want...that. And I wanted...to see you both...again..." A weak smile. "I want to die...my way...with you near me...if you'll stay..."

Eames looked at Goren, who nodded. She smiled at Emily. "We'll stay for as long as you want us to."

"Thank you..." She looked thoughtful. After a long moment, she asked, "How will you...remember me?"

Eames thought for a minute before she answered. "I'll remember you laughing and smiling when Carolyn and I took you to the Empire State Building."

She smiled. "That's a great memory."

She looked at Goren. Eames decided to give them a moment alone, knowing he would never ask for it. "I need to use the rest room. I'll be right back."

She met Goren's eyes and gave him a small smile. He watched her as she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. He turned back to Emily, who brought her right hand over so she could hold his hand in both of hers. "I can see...how much you love her." He just smiled. Her fingers lightly stroked his forearm. "How will...you remember me?"

"I'll remember you in the mountains, carrying that pack that was almost too big for you...and at night, by the fire...that's what I'll remember."

She nodded. "Good...not...not this."

"These memories will be there, Emily. But when I think of you, this won't be what I remember."

She was quiet for a long moment. "Bobby...could you...have loved me...if things had been...different..."

"Between Alex and me?" She nodded. He studied her face, not seeing the drawn, skeletal face before him, but the vibrant, smiling face he remembered from Colorado. "Yes," he answered simply.

She swallowed with difficulty. "Do you know...that I...I love you?"

He nodded. "I know. And if I caused you any pain..."

She was shaking her head. "No...no pain...just...happy memories...good memories to...take with me..."

He smiled. "Good. You saved me from myself, you know. I was...lost without her. You helped to steer me back onto the path I needed to be on. You're always going to have a place in my heart, Emily."

"Thank you..." she whispered. "Could you do one...thing for me?"

"Sure."

"Just...kiss me good-bye..."

That he could do. Sliding one hand from hers, he laid it lightly against her cheek. Leaning forward, he kissed her. When he drew back, she smiled and tightened her hand on his. "Thank you, Bobby..."

"I wish there was more I could do."

She shook her head. "You've done...everything you could...for me."

A light knock and Eames came in, carrying a tray with two plates and two cups of coffee on it. She set it on the tray table next to Emily's tray. "I thought maybe if we had lunch with you, you'd take a few sips of broth."

Emily smiled. "If it will...make you feel better..."

Goren released her hands and helped his partner with the food. Removing the covers from the plates, he smiled at her. "Comfort food, Eames?"

"That's the best kind of food on a cold winter day."

He raised an eyebrow. "Cold?"

"It is for Texas."

He looked at Emily, who was smiling at them. "What comfort food?" she asked quietly.

"Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans," Eames replied.

"And coffee," Goren added.

"Do I have...chicken or beef broth?"

He looked under the bowl's cover. "Beef."

She nodded. "Good..."

She took a few sips of broth from the spoon he held for her and several sips of apple juice Eames offered. Then she rested back into her pillow. "I'll just rest...while you eat..." She closed her eyes.

Eames looked at her partner, who was watching Emily. He shifted his eyes toward her, and she saw the pain he had so far been able to hide from the dying woman. Reaching toward him, she squeezed his hand. He smiled at her, kissing her hand. After eating, they sat in the two chairs near her bed. Eames had not slept well the night before and she dozed off. Goren had not slept at all, but he sat there, vigilant, watching the two women sleep. He noticed when Emily's breathing became more shallow, and all he could think to do was hold her hand. "Eames..."

She woke easily, looking across the bed at him. She looked at Emily, who had not woken. "Should we get someone?"

He shrugged. "I've never done this before. What can they do?"

"She doesn't seem uncomfortable."

"I'm...not..." Emily said softly, opening her eyes. "I just...want you here...please..."

Eames took her hand and squeezed. "We'll be here."

She looked from Eames to Goren and smiled, closing her eyes again. She spent the rest of the afternoon drifting in and out. Every half hour or so a nurse would come in to check on her and adjust her IV settings if needed. But she did not seem to be in unbearable pain. Every once in awhile, she would softly groan or whisper a name, most commonly calling for Chris.

Just before sunset, she stopped drifting toward consciousness. A nurse came in to check on her. She looked from Eames to Goren and said softly, "Say your last good-byes. She'll hear you, but she won't be around to listen for very much longer."

They both rose and stood beside the bed. Eames looked at him, and he nodded. "Go ahead, Alex."

She sighed and looked at Emily's face, which seemed peaceful. Leaning closer, she said, "I'm glad I got to know you, Emily. I'm going to miss talking to you alot. But most of all, I want to thank you, again, for taking care of Bobby." She kissed her cheek. "Good-bye."

She sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Emily's hand. Looking at Goren, she said, "Your turn."

He didn't really know what to say. He was no good at saying good-bye, though by all accounts, he should be. He touched her hair, then ran his fingers down the side of her face. "Good-bye, counsellor. Thanks...and be happy again. Say hi to Chris for me."

He leaned down and softly kissed her one last time. He also continued to hold her hand, but chose to remain standing. Her breathing became more and more shallow until, not long after sunset, it stopped all together. They remained with her until the nurse came in again. She listened to her chest with her stethoscope. "I'll have to get the doctor, but she's gone. I am sorry."

They watched her leave the room. In silence, they remained until she returned with the doctor and other staff members. Leaving the team to do whatever they needed to do, the two detectives backed away from the bed and slipped from the room.

The ride back to the hotel was silent. Eames kept glancing toward him as she drove, but he just looked out the window in silence. She left him alone for the time being. She knew better than to try to confront him when he was reeling from raw pain. She would wait until she saw the right opportunity, and then she would make him deal with his loss...and help her deal with hers.


	21. Grief

When they entered the hotel room, he walked over to the window and looked out over the lake. Eames watched him, but still let him be. If she tried to draw him out too soon, she would only succeed in driving him further away. Timing was an important thing in dealing with him when his emotions were all askew, and she understood that better than anyone did.

She took a hot shower and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and one of his t-shirts. She just wanted to be comfortable. She wanted to crawl into the big bed in the middle of the room and let him hold her. But when she came out of the bathroom, he was gone. She sat down on the bed and debated what to do. Pulling on a pair of thick socks and her running shoes, she walked over to the window. She had been right to choose this hotel. He was down by the lake.

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She knew he heard her when she approached, but he remained down by the water. It had been a long time since she'd seen him turn so far into himself...and that told her he was trying mightily to suppress his feelings rather than deal with them. He continued walking along the waterline while she watched him from the path. "It hurts," she said softly.

"Go back to the room, Eames. Your head is wet and you're going to get sick."

"I don't think I want to leave you out here alone."

He looked at her. "Why not? What do you think I'm going to do?"

"Spend the night continuing to try to avoid what you're feeling."

"Go inside."

"No." She finally approached him. "I know you're a big, tough cop. But I also know what's inside and that's where you're hurting."

He didn't react except to turn away and resume walking along the lake. She followed him, continuing to push. "I know where it's hurting you, because I hurt in the same place." No answer. "You loved her."

He stopped, turning to look at her. She expected a denial, but he still remained silent. There was no turning back now. "It wasn't hard to love her. But you carry the extra burden of seeing me in her...and I can't pretend to know how much that hurts. I just know that it does."

She approached him, but he backed away, until his back hit a tree. She stopped in front of him. Her voice was soft and gentle, and he wished she would yell at him or be angry or...something because he could handle anger better than sympathy. His insides were trembling, and he had no idea how to make them stop. Her soft voice just made matters worse.

"We are both hurting," she said softly.

He slid down the trunk of the tree to the ground and she dropped to her knees beside him. He continued to keep a marginal hold on his grief and pain...until she touched him and whispered his name. His control snapped. She pulled him into her arms and she cried with him...and he let her hold him and share that grief. She was the only one he had ever let in that far, and she was the only one he ever would.

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Daylight streamed into the room through the window, waking her. His arms were still around her, holding her close against him. He had not let her leave his embrace all night, and she welcomed his closeness. He was swinging through extremes right now. First he had pushed her away, but when she pushed back and broke through his reserve, he had drawn her close and he hadn't yet let her go. Carefully, she slid from his arms and crossed to the window to close the drapes. Darkness settled back on the room and she crept back into the warmth of his arms. He pulled her back against his chest, kissing the side of her head as she snuggled into his embrace and they both drifted back to sleep.

When he woke, she wasn't beside him. He rolled onto his back, listening to her quiet voice as she talked on the phone, trying not to wake him. "Ok, tomorrow, then. 9:00. We'll find it. Thank you."

She looked up when he placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned over to kiss her. "How are you?" she asked.

"Okay. You?"

"Yes. The funeral is tomorrow at nine."

"Fine."

She watched him go into the bathroom. When the shower started running, she slipped out of the room, returning twenty minutes later with two foam containers. He was sitting on the bed, holding his head in his hands, when she came through the door.

This was hard for him. It was hard enough to lose someone he'd come to care about, to love, but he was still unable to separate Eames from Emily in his mind, and it was driving him nuts. He heard her come in the door and set down her keys and whatever she had gone out to get. He heard her take off her jacket and drop it over a chair. He felt her get onto the bed and crawl across the mattress to him. Her hands settled on his shoulders and began to rub. His body shuddered and he turned, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her neck and her hair. And he held her.

She let her body fall into his arms as he laid her back onto the bed. His breath was warm against her neck and his arms were tight around her. He continued to tremble, and she continued to caress his back and comb her fingers through his hair. Gradually, he relaxed, but he still wouldn't let her go...and she didn't want him to.


	22. Rest In Peace

It had been a brief memorial at the church, which was good because the small building was full. Goren didn't like being around a lot of people if he didn't have to be, especially people he did not know. He was already on edge, and Eames had watched him shift and fidget throughout the ceremony. She had finally managed to settle him down by slipping her arm under his suit jacket, untucking his shirt and lightly rubbing his back. He had shuddered at her touch, but he'd leaned his head against hers and quit fidgeting.

The drive to the cemetery started in silence. She kept glancing over at him, but he was just sitting there, staring out the window with his right fist pressed against his mouth. "I'm right here, Bobby," she finally said. "I'm not going anywhere, you know."

"I-I know. But..." He trailed off.

"But what?"

"I-I don't know what I'd do...without you."

He didn't elaborate, so she pressed him. "Keep going."

He tried to order his jumbled thoughts, but he wasn't having much success and that annoyed him. "Losing Emily has been hard for me...but for different reasons. I-I don't deal well with this, for one."

"With departure."

He nodded. "The permanance of death. It's going to be difficult for me when my mother dies...but I have been trying to prepare for it. This, I wasn't prepared for. I-I knew it was coming...but four months just isn't enough time. N-not for me."

"You got close to her quickly. That's not like you, either. You don't let people in, Bobby. Everything about your relationship with Emily was..." She searched for the right word, finally finding it. "Intense."

"Thanks to you," he muttered.

She frowned at him. "What? Why is this my fault?"

"Because I did let you in, Eames. I never meant to but you got there...right into my damn heart. And when I thought you left...I couldn't handle it. I...I never meant to let her in, either. But...I saw you in her...and I couldn't keep her out. I...I needed someone...be-because it just...hurt so damn bad."

She wasn't sure if she was annoyed or sympathetic. "So you blame me...?"

"No!" he exclaimed, louder than he intended. He calmed quickly. "I don't blame you...I acknowledge the role you played inside my head...inside my heart...but I-I can't blame you because you didn't do anything."

She was quiet for awhile. "So what are you going to do, Bobby?"

He shrugged. "What _can_ I do? You're in...I can't kick you out. I-I don't want to."

"You also can't put me in your pocket and keep me right there all the time."

"I know," he said, almost inaudibly.

She sighed. "Let's just get through the rest of the funeral right now. But I want you to remember that I'm right here. Okay? I'm not in that casket. I'm not Emily, and I never was."

"I know that, Eames. Really. I do. I-I'm trying here, all right? Give me a break."

She flipped on her turn signal to turn into the cemetery. She didn't say anything more.

They got out of the car and looked around as the people around them did the same. She watched him settle back into being stressed and uncomfortable. She decided on sympathy rather than annoyance. This was hard for him...and it wasn't entirely his doing. Just mostly.

Like the ceremony at the church, the graveside service was brief. The sky was gray and rain threatened, making the forty-eight degree temperature seem colder. After the benediction, people began to disperse, talking among themselves in small groups as they headed back for the cars. "Detectives?"

They turned to face a large man, wearing a pressed suit, bolo tie and cowboy boots. He held out his hand and spoke with a slow Texas drawl. He struck Eames as a cross between Arthur Branch and LBJ. "Randolph Stewart, Travis County DA."

No wonder he recognized them as cops. In turn they accepted his firm handshake. "You are Emily's friends from New York?"

"Yes," Eames answered. "I'm Alex Eames. This is Bobby Goren."

Stewart studied Goren. "Emily had nice things to say about you. It made me feel better knowing she hadn't been in the mountains alone. Did you know she was sick then?"

"No, I didn't."

"She was a real piece of work, let me tell you. Never listened to anybody. She did her own thing, her own way. Tough as nails and a great ADA. I called her my little maverick."

Goren nodded. "She had spirit."

"They told me you were both with her when she died."

Eames nodded. "She wanted us to stay."

"That's good. I'm glad she wasn't alone. I would have been there, but I wasn't able to get away. She had no family...but we took her to our hearts."

"That wasn't hard to do," Goren said softly.

Stewart studied him. "Got to you, did she?"

He just nodded. Eames could see his struggle and continued the conversation, as was her habit from years of working with her introspective partner. "She managed to make an impression on all of us, but Bobby knew her better than the rest of us did."

"Um, excuse me," Goren muttered, more than uncomfortable with the conversation.

Eames watched him walk off, toward the casket, which was a few yards away. Stewart looked at her. She sighed. "He's more sensitive than he lets on," she explained. "It's hard for him to say good-bye."

"More than one of us has struggled with this particular good-bye. Week after Christmas will be one year since her diagnosis. Uh, if you don't mind my asking...how close was your friend to her? She always avoided answering my questions about him...but I got the impression he was more than a friend."

"He was, and he wasn't. She helped him through a hard time and she came to love him. He loved her, too, but in a different way."

Stewart nodded. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter any more."

She looked at the lawyer. "It does to him," she said quietly.

He watched her walk off to join her friend. For a few moments, he watched them interact...her hand on his back...him bending toward her, hand resting on her hip..._He was and he wasn't_...and that would be why. He smiled to himself and turned away, heading for his car.

Goren drew his thumb across her bare skin, just above the waist of her pants, where his hand was resting. She looked up into his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He shifted his gaze toward the casket. "I will be. I just don't know how to say good-bye."

"It's not easy."

"Not when you care about the person you're saying good-bye to."

She rested her head against his shoulder for a moment, enjoying the feel of his caressing thumb. "Go ahead, Bobby. I'll wait in the car."

She stepped away from his side and he resisted the urge to tighten his arm around her so she would stay. She hesitated next to the casket, whispered good-bye, and walked toward the car. He sighed heavily. He wasn't sure he had intended to do this alone, but Eames seemed to think he needed to. He trusted her judgment; he always had.

His eyes slowly perused the casket. Maple...beautifully polished...brass hardware...lots of flowers...she would have liked all the flowers. He bent over and pulled a single red rose from the flowers surrounding the casket. He laid it gently by itself in the center of the polished wood lid. "I really hope you found your Chris again, counsellor. I know that's what you wanted. I guess I've already said everything worth saying, except maybe thank you, again." He leaned down and placed a kiss on the casket. "Rest in peace, Emily. Good-bye."

He headed back toward the car, where Eames was waiting for him. He wasn't at all sure how he was feeling. All he knew was that he didn't want her away from him for very long. It was an unsettling feeling, and he hated feeling unsettled. He climbed into the passenger seat and remained silent while she started the car and pulled away from the side of the drive. He knew she was watching him, knew she was waiting for him to say something, anything, but no words would come to him. So the silence remained between them, unbroken.


	23. Normal is a Relative Term

Shifting the paper bag to her left arm, Eames pulled out the card key and opened the door. The room was dark. As she walked past the bathroom door, a warm moist draft told her he'd taken another shower. To relax, she was certain. He hadn't said a word the whole way back from the cemetery. She knew he would talk when he was ready, so she left him alone. Now she wondered if he'd misinterpreted her silence. She'd had it up to her eyeballs with him misinterpreting her. 

She half expected him not to be in the room, but he was. He'd laid down on the bed, probably to think, but he'd drifted off, succumbing to both physical and emotional exhaustion. He had tried not to disturb her last night, but he was restless and the little sleep he had gotten had been plagued by nightmares. Ultimately, he'd gotten up and spent the rest of the night shifting between pacing and staring out the window.

She set down the paper bag and the plastic sack with their lunch in it. Crossing over to the bed, she smiled softly and fingered his damp curls. He didn't move. Lightly kissing his temple, she returned to the desk and emptied the contents of both bags. The two styrofoam take-out containers each held a burger, fries and cole slaw. They were the biggest burgers she'd ever seen...it seems they actually did grow things bigger in Texas. So she would be good for lunch _and_ dinner. There was no way Goren would eat one-and-a-half of those burgers. He wasn't Mike Logan. Turning to the paper sack, she pulled out a six-pack of cola, a bottle of rum and two four-packs of the dark German beer he liked. She put the beer and the cola in the small refrigerator and turned back to the lunches. Setting out the two paper plates she'd gotten from the restaurant, she unpacked the containers. She heard him stir, so she wasn't surprised when he came up behind her, sliding his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. "Feel better?" she asked.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not talking to you. You, uh, you wanted to..."

"It's fine, Bobby. I was just giving you your space, like I always do."

His arms tightened, pulling her back against his body. "I don't need space right now," he whispered into her ear.

"When you're ready to talk, you'll talk. I'm not going to push it unless you need me to, and right now, you don't."

"I don't want to talk, either."

She smiled. He was craving contact. His fingers played with the hem of her shirt and she rested her hands over them. "Eat first," she said. "You didn't eat very well yesterday."

He kissed her neck again and sighed. He looked at the burger on the plate she handed him. "They serve one pound burgers?"

"Apparently."

He laughed softly. "Don't let Logan come down here. He'll never leave."

She laughed with him. "There's beer in the fridge if you want one, or cola if you'd rather."

Opening the fridge, he pulled out a cola and a beer, handing her the cola as he sat beside her on the bed. Popping the can open, she took a drink, then quietly asked, "How long before you get back to normal?"

"You _want_ me to withdraw?"

"No, not at all. But I don't want you on top of me all the time either."

"Sorry. If you want, you can get on top..."

She choked on a mouthful of cole slaw. "That's not what I meant and you know it," she managed after a minute. She turned her head to look at him, thrilled to see the playful gleam in his eye. She had missed it. "But if you want me on top..."

He laughed. "After lunch..." he promised.

Smiling, she turned to the task of tackling the monster burger on her plate. It was a relief to see him finally relaxing. Maybe he was approaching his equlibrium again. She hated having him all over the emotional map. He was enough to handle when his moods were stable. Maybe now that they had buried Emily, and they had the closure of saying good-bye, his irrational side would realize that she was still here and let go of its fears of losing her. She understood him; she really did. She had come to realize a long time ago how empty her life would be without her big partner in it. She had come to rely on him more than she realized at first. Initially, it had all been about the quirky, unstable genius and the attachment to her he had formed, once he came to realize she might actually stay. She was his anchor, the grounding force for his incredible intellect. She was the lifeline that pulled him back to reality when he got too far into the dark, too far into the minds of the criminals they pursued. It took awhile for her to realize that it _wasn't_ all about him. She knew from the early days of their partnership that he overshadowed her, that he always would. His size, the brilliance of his mind, the unsettling manner of his interrogation technique, his investigative style, particularly at the scene of a homicide...everything about him overshadowed her diminutive size and understated manner. But the first time he got too much in her face and she'd taken him down a few notches, she knew it was give and take. He challenged her to keep up with him, and she relished the race. He pulled the most obscure details from crime scenes as well as from the encyclopedic knowledge he stored in that brain of his, and he left it to her to help him put the puzzle together. He provided the pieces while she gave him the picture to guide the assembly of those pieces. When the shadows got too dark for her, when a case was particularly disturbing or hit her too close to home, she found she could always go to him and he knew just what to say, just what to do, to help her through it. As in tune with him as she was, it was nice to realize he was just as in tune with her. They had developed a true partnership.

She took both plates when they were done and wrapped the half a burger she knew she wouldn't finish, putting it in the refrigerator. He laid back on the bed and quietly watched her. Returning his scrutiny, she leaned against the wall beside the window. "Are you all right, Bobby?"

He slowly nodded. "I think so."

"Have you finally realized I'm not Emily?"

He sighed heavily. "I never thought you were. I just...I formed an attachment to her that was based on you, Eames. When she died, it was...hard for me to let you out of my sight because if I ever lost you..." He shuddered involuntarily. "It's not something I ever wanted to think about, but now I've been forced to and...it hasn't been easy. I don't want to smother you. Just tell me to back off."

"I always knew that was an option, but I don't want to contribute to your insecurities. It's been kind of nice having you close. But I want you back to your usual self. I'm used to that."

"I'll get there. Give me a little time."

"Take as much time as you need, as long as I know everything is heading back to normal."

He smiled at her. "Normal...I think you're the only one who would ever consider me normal."

She laughed. "Normal is a relative term. There _is_ a normal you, Bobby. And that's the you I love most."

He smiled warmly. "I love you, too, Eames."

She crossed the room and let him take her into his arms. He'd made her a promise before lunch...and she held him to it.

-----------------------------------------------------------

He set the danish and the coffee on her desk and sat down at his. She'd be here soon. Last night had been the first night since Emily's death ten days ago that they had slept separately at their own apartments. At first he had been restless and had missed her, but if he was going to get back to normal and be able to function properly again within his own life, he had to be able to let her go. It took half the night for him to settle down, but he had. It was his first big hurdle; tonight would be easier.

He set the files and papers from his inbox in front of him and pulled out a sealed envelope. He smiled as he read the nearly illegible scrawl. _Ok, I've left you alone for the past few months to get things worked out and you seem to be back your regular self now. It's about damn time. I let your partner drag my ass into the wilderness to find you, against my will, I might add. I ended up with 64 mosquito bites--yes, I counted 'em--and two infections from scratching them. Today is Friday. You and I are going out tonight and you are paying for dinner and the drinks all damn night. Logan._

He laughed to himself and slipped the paper back into its envelope, sliding it into the top drawer of his desk. He turned and looked toward Logan's desk, where he was leaning back in his chair, grinning. Goren nodded his head and, satisfied, Logan returned to his paperwork.

Turning back to his desk, Goren pulled out a file folder from the stack in front of him and opened it, studying the coroner's report and letting his mind immerse itself in the details. He didn't see or hear her when she came in, but a light touch on the back of his shoulder as she leaned over to look at the report brought him crashing back to reality.

"You're getting back into your groove," she whispered in his ear.

"I'm getting close."

"That's good to hear. How'd you sleep last night?"

"Not terribly. At least I slept. Um, Logan and I are going out tonight."

"Good." She was genuinely glad to hear that. She pulled back from her place at his shoulder and looked him over. "You look pretty good today. Not like I expected."

"You underestimate me, Eames."

"Often." She reached over and readjusted the report so she could see it better. "Now we have a case to solve," she said with a small smile.

A smile played at the corners of his mouth in return and he addressed his attention back to the report. He slid the autopsy pictures over the surface of his desk and pointed at one line in the report. "Look at this."

She reached for one of the pictures and turned it. "Oh, thanks for the coffee and danish."

"Sure."

After a few minutes of discussing the particular finding he had pointed out, he said, very softly, so that only she would hear him, "I love you, Eames." Then he shifted to another photo without missing a beat and tapped another line in the report. "I wasn't expecting this."

She glanced at him, then back at the report. "I didn't expect it, either," she answered. Then, dropping her volume for his ears only, she replied, "I love you, too."

The subtle twitch at the corner of his mouth was his only reaction, but it told her he heard and he was glad that she said it. She doubted he would ever say something like that again in these surroundings and neither would she. But he'd tossed this one at her, to see how she would respond, and she'd given him the response he'd needed. Now he knew. It didn't matter where they were or what they were doing; he knew. If she never said it again, it wouldn't matter, because he knew that she loved him. But she would say it, and so would he. And neither would ever let the other doubt that it was true, ever again.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to get finished. It just wasn't coming easily for some reason. Hope you enjoyed it :-)**


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